David Rancatore was the most famous person I knew in fifth grade......he was featured in a K-mart ad as a model wearing Under-roos and I remember carefully cutting out the ad and folding it in one of my many zippered pockets in my fake Fonzie leather jacket and secretly carrying it around with me on the playground in hopes of getting his autograph.....he was dark eyed with curly hair and was creamy and dreamy and already walked the walk and talked the talk and strutted the swing-set section with confidence and charm.....whereas I would search for unsuspecting viewers to watch my unwavering and hard-core imitation of melting butter - (best portrayed while using the flag-pole for extra support) - my convincing transformation from CHILLED STICK OF BUTTER into POOL of MELTED BUTTER on gum-wadded concrete was only out-shone by my 80 Moritz Road POGO-STICK routine while bouncing to the Hill Street Blues Theme humming in my head.

In middle school friends would swap school pictures and sign each others' autograph books and yearbooks - already setting up an Andy Warhol expectation of 15 minutes of fame.....and soon the bar for FAME ITSELF got higher - meeting Chuck-E-Cheese - dancing with one of the Bobby Vinton Polka dancers at his concert - Drummer David Robinson from THE CARS calling my parent's basement to wish my friend Kim Brough a Happy Birthday - Patty and I running into Sammy Davis Junior in a dark alley in London - Bill Murray IMPLORING me to order the TOAST at a diner in PA - shaking Bill Clinton's hand - enjoying hot tea and a salad with BLOWFLY - sitting next to Aaron Neville at an airport (having no idea who he was) and telling him I thought it was JUST GREAT that he and his brothers were in a band - truly ENCOURAGING HIM to keep up the good work and work hard and telling him stories of playing clarinet in marching band and that if he KEPT AT IT - why, maybe they'd get a gig!.....I have shared a cigarette with Sam Shepard while discussing Whitman - I have received an APOLOGY CARD from Santa Claus and I carry four of Wally-the-Beer-Man's autographed baseball cards in my checkbook. I have been touched and lucky to share these things with those who have FAME.

After college - I worked for an art dealer named Richard who TRULY looked like an Andy Warhol in brown corduroy and smelled like sugar-donuts and whiskey and once had 3 brain tumors and couldn't drive OR keep his head up and would stand - waiting for the bus - with his two arms "tented" above, encasing his head - to keep his head from flopping down. He was eccentric and exciting and charming and a crook. The gallery ALWAYS was a-buzz with FAMOUS folk - from Horst to the Rolling Stones - and one day he sent me on a SPECIAL SECRET MISSION to deliver a painting wrapped in brown paper to a FIRE ESCAPE and I was to holler out loud some code words like "the spit flies upside down" or "the hot-dog vendor is sad" and then take the second piece - a REAL WARHOL - (one of the Marilyns) - to a frame shop and charge it to some account...(I OBVIOUSLY was the poster child for the IGNORANCE IS BLISS campaign) and finally this thread of ill-fated thrills ended the day he asked me to clean out the MISTER COFFEE POT FILLED WITH HIS PEE.

Those were MY FIRST 15 MINUTES of my life when I FINALLY SAID "NO".

HIS FAME hit with the jail time he served - though I doubt his special sector of FAME teemed with the world of massages and fancy water and people who shine your zippers and send you expensive champagne and gift bags and body-guards.

To the family Yahtzee champion - the moonlight bowling record-holder -to the mysterious APE-ON-SKATES person - to the Polish Pierogy Church Ladies.....to the toll-booth attendant who took no shit and to the person who invented the Glitter Pen......how I wish I had YOUR trading cards - how I look back and imagine your signature in my autograph book and indeed finally realize that FAME is fine - yet FORTUNE may be better.

Enjoy your coffee - but beware the pot it's brewed in.......

15 MINUTES OF FAME - CAMPBELL'S TOMATO SOUP SPICE CAKE
(taken from the Great American Brand Name Recipes Cookbook)

1 tablespoon sugar
1 box (18 oz) spice cake mix
1 can Campbell's Tomato soup
2 eggs
2 tablespoons water
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Grease bundt cake pan and sprinkle pan with sugar
Mix cake mix, soup, eggs and water until well-mixed
Pour into pan -
Microwave (??????) uncovered at 50 percent power 9 minutes - rotating pan once during cooking
Increase power to HIGH. Microwave, uncovered, 5 minutes - let stand for 15 minutes - invert onto serving plate - let cool.
In small bowl - stir cream, brown sugar and vanilla until sugar dissolves - spoon over cooled cake.

NOTE!!!!!!!!!POTENTIAL WARNING!!!!!!!!


I have A.) - never made this before
B.) - microwaved a cake before (again - ?????)

THUS - apologies if it comes out weird - please let me know how it turns out and I will post a follow-up on my experiment with it as well.