Two years ago when I was just leaving the adult industry, this girl Daphne contacted me. I was going through my transition and she somehow found my myspace page. We connected by email, then by phone, and I took her to church. She was also going through hard times leaving a past of stripping and prostitution behind. We became very good friends and even were roommates at one point.

Daphne and I were like kindred spirits. She is quirky, cute, artsy, funny and amazingly intelligent! She has lived through things I could never have even imagined. I think God put us in one another's paths for a reason. We have been there to love and support one another this whole time.

We have gone through short seasons where we may not speak but when we do we just seem to pick up where we left off. Nothing has changed. I cherish Daphne's friendship deeply.

Anyway, Daphne came over and spent the night with me last night after not connecting for a while. We had a great time playing on the computer and taking photos in photobooth (on my bf's Mac he is letting me borrow til I get a new one). I visited her myspace page and blog this morning and asked her if I could repost this interview she did for Covenant Eyes (anti-porn software). It has a lot of information that I thought my reader's may find interesting.

P.S. Daphne is in my top friends under the name "Born For Something Greater, Daphne Khoury". If you email her or send a request she has been taking a hiatus from the computer since July so be patient.

Here it is:





1. Daphne, you say that you hope to be "a voice proclaiming hope and a destiny better than that of porn" (from your MySpace page). I understand you spent seven years working in the sex industry, involved in prostitution and stripping. Were you ever involved directly with pornographic films? Were you acquaintances with many women involved in porn?

Was I ever involved directly with pornographic films?



According to the adult porn film industry standards, no.

I have however been in films with gratuitously obscene content. I worked on a film (still not released) two years ago in the horror genre where I contributed unnecessary nudity. I believe now that even pointless nudity in films is harmful, especially the way Hollywood uses it to sell a movie or make it attractive to potential distributors.

The movie industry is getting progressively worse. When I am looking for acting roles, I see the breakdown for the characters the companies are looking to cast. More stripper roles or nudity required scenes exist now than there were three years ago, and I am not talking about a small percentage increase. Tell me. What is the difference between a production company hiring actresses willing to work topless for a movie scene and a club manager hiring girls willing to work topless in their club for one night?

It is dangerous to justify topless scenes and unnecessary nudity as 'acting'. Do you think the girls in the club really want to be there? They're all acting, they just don't get the luxury of having an IMDB credit with it.



Was I acquaintances with many women involved in porn?

Yes. When I stripped at the clubs--I usually kept to myself but sometimes had the pleasure of making friends with some really wonderful women. It is so sad because most are such beautiful women--smart, survivors, students, mothers-- who try to do their best but end up getting swept up in the industry's dark gravitational pull, becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol or being the victim of terrible crimes.

A popular cultural label is that "the women that work in those types of places are trashy." I couldn't disagree with that more. I see that statement coming from people who have had more or less charmed lives and don't know what life is like for people on the other side. It's severe circumstances and substantial economic need that drives most women in and out of the industry.





2. Daphne, you say that childhood abuse prepped you well for the sex industry. Do you find most women in the sex industry come from backgrounds of child abuse?



Of the stories I have heard, yes, in some form or another. For me personally, I didn't connect the two consciously until during recovery. My self-worth was so low that I thought stripping and prostitution were the only things I would ever be good at. I didn't think life offered me a better choice, and I had come to accept things as they were. I thought that I was lucky to have found something that could offer me the money I needed for medical bills. Being so emotionally needy, I depended upon the compliments of customers to give me self esteem. I was absolutely convinced that some of my customers really loved and cared for me. Now I know that that wasn't love. But only someone with a background of abuse could make that kind of mistake. It's much easier to cross boundaries when you see someone as your friend instead of your enemy.





3. You are very candid about your experiences in the sex industry, including the repeated sexual abuse, rapes, suicide attempts, and heroin overdoses. Less than a year and a half ago, you said in one of your YouTube videos that you "can't handle being raped one more time." Would you say your experiences are common for those who work in the sex industry?



I would say that my stories are probably more common than uncommon. While everyone has different experiences, I will definitely say that the degree of horror attached to a traumatic event would be common to most. When a woman experiences degradation everyday, abuse becomes something ordinary. Sometimes, too, a rape or sexual violation will 'prep' a woman for the industry. It's easy to think your body is nothing special when it has been degraded and you are stripped of self-worth. We then form these tough exteriors to protect ourselves. Desensitization to abuse and blurry sexual boundaries follow.

I know that I am not alone when I say that I was isolated much during the day and didn't have any strong support systems in place. This put me in a very vulnerable position. I was easy bait for predators seeking to take advantage.

I personally knew a girl who went to 'dance' for one guy in his hotel room. When she got there, a group of men were waiting. She ended up being gang raped.

I've heard lots of these stories with different variations. Why is there no justice done? Why are these stories shrouded in secret? Most women (myself included) hide in shame, start thinking that they deserved it, were threatened with death not to tell anyone, or didn't want to go to the police for fear of being arrested for prostitution. I met lawyers who didn't want to take my case because they automatically regarded my testimony as an adult entertainer invalid. They had an opinion of me before I walked in the room.





4. When did you make a clean break with the sex industry? What were the catalysts that brought you out of it?


I tried several times to get out of the industry, once about 4 years ago. It was easier for me to quit heroin and stay clean than it was to stay out of the sex industry.
But I finally made a clean break with the sex industry a little over a year ago in January 2007.

It feels even hard to explain the catalysts, to put it into words. It's still hard to talk about the events surrounding my decision, but I will say that a couple of really traumatic experiences helped wake me up out of that 'world', because, once you are in it, it is hard not be consumed by it. As I moved further out of the industry, I had more nightmares and resurfacing trauma. I didn't realize I was so wounded. As hard as that was to live through, it was more evidence to me that I was making the right decision and that the life I was leaving was more hellish than I was able to perceive when I was in the midst of it. Ultimately, I do believe I was given a supernatural ability to face the truth about who I had become and what I was doing.



5. You seem to be good friends with Crissy  (who left the pornography industry back in October of 2006). Would you say your friendship with Crissy has helped you work through some of the emotional difficulty of your past in the sex industry?


Crissy's friendship to me is golden. I reached out to Crissy when I was really struggling out of the industry. She came a couple of times to pick me up for church, and we really hit it off and became great friends! Crissy and I have been able to lean on each other through very difficult moments. It's hard coming out of the industry with your own personal demons to fight, and it's near to impossible without friends. A lot of people in the world don't know how to reach out to people in porn or to accept them. This makes it harder to really find a friend that you can connect with that can empathize with you. Crissy is a real gift to me.




6. I believe Crissy works with "Treasures," ministering to women in the sex industry. Have you ever worked with Treasures yourself?


Not yet. Harmony is caring, supportive, and has personally given me a lot of encouragement. I hope to volunteer with her in the future.




7. You call Shelley Lubben "a bright shining light" in your life. Tell me a little about your relationship with Shelley. Are you involved in the Pink Cross Foundation?



I have been involved with some outreaches with Shelley and volunteered with her mission. I really respect Shelley for who she is, what she has been through, and what she stands for. She could have turned her back on her past and forgotten about it. It would have been the much easier thing to do--to just move on, forget about it, not mention it as though it were a bad dream. The truth is that Shelley, Crissy, and Harmony are important role models. They fought through, and now they reach back. They bravely share their stories despite a social stigma that ex sex workers carry.

It's so important for truth to be spoken about what really goes on in the industry because misunderstandings in this area have drastic social consequences. It is very good for there to be awareness--for people in the church, for family, for counselors, for society; being part of the community is important for wholeness, and women and men coming out of that life don't want to search for healing if they think that others will judge them. It empowers those caught up in the game to reach out and ask for help instead of isolating in silence and in shame.




8. From your vlogs and blogs, it seems that family is very important to you. You repeatedly mention your grandparents. How would you describe their influence on your life?


My grandparents on my mom's side are very important to me. I was closest to my grandmother who showed me so much love when I was little. She was also my biggest advocate, even when I was at rock-bottom places. She saw me overdoesed on heroin and rushed me to the hospital. What grandmother should have to see their granddaughter with a needle in her arm on the floor? Her love for me helped me see what G-d's love is like. She came to visit me everyday when I was in re-hab, and she never judged me. Though she has died, I know her love for me still lives and has carried me through much darkness.




9. You attend a Messianic Jewish synagogue, correct? Did you family attend a synagogue when you were growing up?


Yes, I do attend a Messianic Jewish synagogue. I absolutely love it. I love the rabbis, the members of the congregation, and the love that has been extended to me through them. It is very healing to be in a supportive, family-like atmosphere.


Did my family attend a synagogue when I was growing up?

No.




10. What are some of your favorite verses from the B'rit Hadashah?



"I will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5


"Lo, I am with you, even until the end of the age." Matthew 28:20





11. I see you like painting. I also see that you contributed some of your artwork for a benefit to help sexually exploited children. How did that go?

It is very rewarding to be able to use my art to help causes so close to my heart. My artwork has been really well received, so it encourages me to continue in it.

I am currently painting an art piece that is about sexual exploitation. The working title is, "Not just doll parts." Crissy helped me come up with the title. :)




12. Can you tell me a little about your role in "Making Change"? What can you tell me about the central message of the film?


The message of this film is actually about homelessness. I played a very small role as a stripper (when I was stripping, ironically enough). There are a couple of scenes where the lead character is driven to a strip club because of homelessness and poverty. I happen to be one of the girls already there. I actually had cancer when they were filming it, so I was super-thin. I actually haven't even seen the film.



13. In one of your YouTube videos you speak about Jesus as a "man of sorrows." How has your faith in Him pulled you through your darkest times?

Jesus is a man of sorrows 100%. It says that he bore all our pain and that he bore our suffering. The comfort I had in going through the dark times was knowing that the L-rd was not condemning me but holding me.




14. If you could speak to the men who are struggling deeply with temptations to view pornography, what would be your encouragement to them? What would you want them to hear?


There was a time in my career when I was an honesty queen. If I were dancing for someone and they asked me a question about my childhood, I would start to tell them. The look on some of their faces was priceless. They went from being really turned on to really turned off. They'd get up and leave. At the time, I didn't think the stories were disturbing, I was just talking casually. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. After awhile, I started to see that maybe some of my experiences weren't so normal. Now I understand that what I had done was destroy their fantasy. I broke the illusion. Suddenly, from their perspective, I went from being a beautiful sex goddess to a REAL person with real sexual trauma. The truth about the danger and hazards of the sex industry have the power to destroy the fantasies from which this industry thrives. If a woman is honest she will tell you that lying is the best way to make money in the industry. The lie keeps the companies safe and the patrons happy.

It's a lot easier to look at porn when you don't know the truth. Even when women or men in the sex industry defend their choices, ask them if they would want their son or daughter to work in the industry and a look of horror usually passes their face. It's easier to objectify those you don't care about.

It's important to warn people who are mesmerized by the glamour of pornography (both men and women) before they get themselves into a mine field, making decisions to be in and part of a world which ends up looking more like guerilla warfare in Vietnam than glamour in Paris.

A lot of girls walk blindly into stripping and porn and then end up in situations like mine. This industry feeds off young girls who are insecure and broken, promising them fortune and glamour. I was so damaged, I would get on stage the night after having been raped. G-d forbid that I'd have to pay extra fines for being absent or late. I've seen girls have major drug overdoses and walk right back into work. It's a mode of survival. And these companies don't care about the damage they are doing to the girls; they are thinking about how much money they can get out of a girl before she has been worn in and torn out.

The industry is all about selling a fantasy. It's like a mirage in a desert. You are so thirsty and then go to a pond of water. After the fantasy fades, you lay there, your mouth full of sand and more in need of water than you were at the beginning. Only, you'd be lucky if that were the worst thing that could happen to you from buying a fantasy. You'd be real lucky. Some people pay with their lives.

Shelley Lubben has a really powerful slideshow on her myspace page dedicated to dead sex workers. Next to each photograph is how they died. A good number commit suicide or die from drug abuse, both men and women. For all the money that is gained in the industry, what is that worth compared to the loss of someone's soul?