Wow did I ever need to update this stupid thing. I once again found myself going to sit down a few times but just couldn't do it, but I am making time to do so now. So shut up, take off your pants, and read.
So the Last Comic Standing. Amazing. They literally found the worst people to pick to put through to their finals. No joke. I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of what is funny. I have done Second City in Chicago, I make people laugh, I have amazingly hilarious friends around me all the time, my parents are funny, my wife is the funniest chick I have ever met, my in-laws are pretty damn funny, and I have pretty solid timing with jokes so I fully understand what it takes to be funny. Not one person I thought should go through to the finals made it. I think I know what the problem was....
Let's start with Steve Schirippa.
Ok, admittedly, I didn't watch the Sopranos. I get the jist of the show. Big bad mafia kills people. Right? Toss in some random drama to make the show interesting and an endless power struggle and presto, you have a hit show. I get it. That being said, was this guy just immensely hilarious? Did he kill people with jokes in the show? I don't get it. Why, on a show called the Last COMIC Standing, would you get a guy who will be type cast as a "greaseball mafia goon" forever? Was Carrot Top too busy? Why would you get someone who isn't even a comic to come out and be a judge for a comedy show? Unless it's some kind of mafia related "Johnny Fontane will not get that part" a la The Godfather type of thing and they cut off a horse's head just to get this fat-headed slob onto the show which in and of itself, makes it funny. So maybe he does belong after all. Interesting.
The next guy needs no introduction as he has been playing John Munch for years on Law and Order: SVU and is a pretty good actor.
In case you don't know, his name is Richard Belzer. Richard Belzer the stand up comedian who wrote a book on how to be a stand up comedian and was doing stand up in the 80's. Once a comedian always a comedian right?
Umm....you might want to watch this here.
Go ahead. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you.
Ok you are back. So....if you made through more than 45 seconds of that, you are a far better person than I am. When he tried to make a joke about a blow dryer and fell to the ground, I gave up. I have a short attention span for comedy. They have to hook me right away otherwise, I'm a hard person to win back. So this is the other judge. This guy. Honestly, was Jeannine Garofalo booked? Were her and Sinbad doing a crazy tour together so they couldn't get them? I'm just....lost. They aren't funny either, but at least they are veteran stand up comedians. They know what it takes to be funny. This guy needs to stick to his bread and butter with SVU and never go on any show related to comedy ever again.
So anyways, I lost complete interest in the show as they booted off every single funny person from the show and kept the bottom of the barrel. I feel the need to keep this going as I don't have much going on right now.
There's a guy named Papa CJ. He is a one joke comedian. His entire stand up is the exact same joke, rewritten over and over about how he's Indian.
I made it 2 minutes.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
This guy got picked to go through. Yeah. Wasn't that hilarious how he kept using the same "Hey everyone, I'm Indian!" joke over and over?
Hmm...you know for someone who has been ripping on comedy and comedians, I haven't exactly found anything funny to write about. Let's see....I found a story and a segue.
It pays to go in an Indian public toilet
It pays to use a toilet in southern India, as residents are earning close to a dollar a month by using public urinals, a scheme launched by authorities to promote hygiene and research in rural areas.
Wow. Imagine that. Close to a dollar a month! That is simply an amazing way to make less than 3 cents a day. So what kind of scheme involves collecting urine and paying someone a dollar a month? What kind of devious underhanded plot is India cooking up with all this urine? Keep your eye on India to release the first Urine Bomb ® and drop that on the U.S.
The article closes with this:
People relieving themselves in the open is a common sight in India's rural towns and villages, as basic sanitation still eludes millions.
Sounds an awful lot like Chicago! I have seen quite a few people pee in the streets of Chicago. So I guess India and Chicago aren't all that different. Eh Papa CJ? You like that? And hey Papa CJ, these guys are our tech support right? Eh? Hope they wash their hands aftewards! Funny shit right man. Jesus. What just happened that I started writing jokes for that guy? Oh good God.