10. Manatees have the same physique as a retired football player.
9. The sentiment of Indiana is "We’re gonna move!"
8. Elton John is a good mommy.
7. If a white guy gets angry, people call him a dick.
6. If you meet someone’s Mom, don’t hug them and say "Oh yeahhh..." and if their Dad’s short, don’t try to pick him up.
5. Pale people can shoot lasers out of their nipples.
4. And it’s possible to get paler.
3. People seem to comment on everything you say in a low whisper.
2. You can have a Hot Pocket for Breakfast, a Hot Pocket for Lunch, and be dead by dinner.
1. Putting bacon bits in a salad only creates a game of "Find the Bacon in The Lettuce."

Inspired by my co-worker Tim who sent a similar list called "10 Thing I Learned From Mitch Hedberg."