Everything ain’t for everybody! It’s not right, it’s not fair but, dammit that’s the way it is! One time when this is really apparent is when it comes to cute girls vs. ugly girls. We live in a world where looks matter and as superficial as it is, dems da’ rules!!! If you know damn well that you ain’t that cute, don’t be doing cute girl shit. For example, all that silly insecure shit like going to dinner and only ordering a salad is stupid. Girl I can hear your stomach growling! If you’re some 21 year old, 90 lbs Asian chick, it might be cute but, when you’re a grown ass 31 year old woman who’s just ok in the face but really fillin’ out those jeans, stop frontin’!!! You too old for all that! Pick up a fork and eat, woman!
There’s also nothing worse than seeing an ugly girl trying to make cute, animated faces over every little thing! Have you seen an ugly girl with her face all scrunched up cuz she saw something nasty? Or that thing people do with their nose cuz something smells? Or that face when you’re struggling with something that’s heavy? It’s not a pretty sight (no pun intended!) for ugly chicks to do these things! Just get a poker face and wear it all that time. Stop acting like you’re in a Japanimation cartoon with all the expressions and shit, keep it simple, stupid!
And let’s go a little easy with the crazy hair cuts and styles drawing attention to yourself! You’re already a 280 pound woman, why do you have a pink Mohawk??? We see you, we don’t want to see you more! Stop making me look over in amazement! Not all attention is good attention! Goth chicks and fat girls just love playing dress-up, don’t they? Go easy on the Rainbow Brite make-up set you’re using whenever you’re getting ready to go out. And as a rule of thumb, remember that bald heads are only for dudes, chemo patients and really, REALLY pretty girls!
And lastly, this goes for ugly girls and fat girls alike, nobody wants to watch you dance like you’re auditioning to get into LaGuardia’s School for Music and Performing Arts everytime Beyonce comes on in the club! I’m embarrassed for you, mami. Don’t drop down low and sweep the floor with it! No more "Naomi Campbell" walks! Beyonce didn’t mean you! She meant everyone else! And I throw up in my mouth a little every time some scrag who thinks she’s prettier than she really is starts to get her stripper dance on when she’s dancing with some dude in the club. Dude is probably trying to "go ugly early" and don’t need you bringing attention to him slumming it for the evening. He was nice enough to play wingman for his boy who got the pretty friend so, let’s not get all crazy and actually get low, low, low, low, low when T-Pain tells you to. Just like you feel like everyone is watching you when you’re dancing with someone who can’t dance, that spotlight feels like it’s crazy bright when you’re with some ugly chick who thinks this is a Ciara video! Do the mandatory 2-step that any good wingman worth his salt must do and enjoy the fact that you might get some pity penis tonight on the low.
We’re down at FR.OG tonight again. The spot is ultra-sexy people with 2 bars, 2 floors, room to dance, nice décor and everything. It’s a brand new spot and I guarantee that if you weren’t there last week, you’ve never been! Spring is right around the corner and there’s no better way to bring it in other than hitting the club and getting your drink and dance on! Ladies are free till 12:30 and we got DJ Jon Quick and DJ CEO providing tunes all night. Hit me if you rolling out!
Keenan "I Facially Discriminate People" Davis