"I thought tragedy was not for me,
something you see on the evening news.
But when it was my reality
man I changed my point of view"
These
are the words that I wrote almost 4 years ago when my life was
drastically changed. I was thrown a "curve ball" that not I, my mother,
or any of my family saw coming.
I can still remember waking up
on that Friday morning on August 20th, 2004. I was a new man, fresh out
of high school with my whole life ahead of me. I was 18 at the time.
When I came out of my room, I could tell something was wrong. My dad
and my grandparents were all there waiting for me in the living room.
The mood was somber.
"David honey, we need to tell you
something," I remember my grandmother telling me. "Last night, there
was a fire at your mom's house, and Nicole didn't make it out."
Shock
was all that I could feel. Betrayal and anger followed when we learned
that it was now a homicide investigation. She did not die from smoke
inhalation.
It was more like a surreal dream from that point
forward. Nicole was my 14 year old sister. She was very outgoing, had
tons of friends, and loved me very much. She looked up to me so much as
her older brother. I would send her CDs of my music, which she would
show all her friends and brag about me. She was VERY upset with me
after I left her and my mom to live with my dad down in Florida. She
felt like I had abandoned her. At her funeral, I wrote and sang a song
called "Number One Fan".
After I wrote the song, my mom gave me
a poem that my sister wrote and submitted to a radio station contest.
The premise of the contest was that the winner would get a limo ride to
school on the first day of the year accompanied by the DJs of the
morning show at the station. Here is the poem that she wrote:
I look out the window and listen to his voice
He says write a poem and he could be your one and only choice
He'll go with you and stand by your side.
And be your friend even if your shy.
I pray in my mind that he will pick me.
So on the first day I won't be lonely
Even though it is just for one day,
In my heart, I'll feel like I have a friend who's with me everyday
It only takes one time for a person to think, wow people can be kind.
After so much pain and so much hurt, You wish someone was there
watching out for you and always alert.
I wouldn't be doing this if my brother were here,
Telling me I'll be ok and make it through another year.
I really wish he wouldn't have left,
That he could be here to see me take my first big step.
So I write a poem wondering what it would be like,
To have someone who cares to help you through your fear and fright
I know I should be brave and think happy thoughts
But the thought of growing up makes me really distraught
The thought of high school makes me fight back the tears
Because when my brother left it was also his freshman year
So when I heard about this on U93
I just had to write a poem and just hope It'd be me
Otis and the crew probably don't notice the little things they do,
but to tell you the truth they always put me in a better mood
So now I'll just wait and hope it's not too late
To be able to have the feeling that someone like your brother is there to make you feel happy and safe.
She
never knew it, but she won the contest. The host of the morning show,
Otis, read this poem for us at the funeral, right after I sang my song.
This is when I lost it. Utter despair, loss, betrayal, and a fluid rush
of hundreds of indescribable emotions are what fell over me that day.
As
stated earlier, I later found out that it was not the fire that caused
her death. She had been strangled. The fire was set to cover up the
crime. My mother's live-in boyfriend was held for questioning and was
later charged with homicide and arson. Nobody had suspected that he
would be capable of such a thing, but he didn't exactly have the
cleanest record either. Looking back, there is no way that the
situation could have been avoided. There were no warning signs or
signals that lead anyone to believe there was abuse happening because
there weren't any. It was a spur of the moment decision. We found out
some very gruesome details in the homicide trial months later that I
don't want to accurately describe to you because of their disturbing
nature. We think Nicole was sexually assaulted, the evidence led to
that.
The week of the trial was one of the hardest weeks I have
ever had to live through. I have since had a lot of counseling and
therapy, and what was once a flame of anger, despair, and depression is
now one of compassion. The reason I care so much about the prevention
of abuse in families is because Nicole never got a chance. Someone once
said, "If you saw someone running out in the street and you knew they
were going to get hit by a bus, you would have to really hate that
person to just do nothing". Nobody knew what was going to happen to
Nicole on that horrible August night, but there are women, children,
and even men that are abused on a regular basis by people that lack the
ability of self control. They still have a fighting chance for a
quality of life that is not filled with fear, doubt, and depression.
Here
in Southwest Florida, there is an organization that reaches out to
abused people by offering them shelter and counseling. There is a 24
hour hotline that you can call if you or someone you know is the victim
of abuse. They not only help the abused, but they try to work with and
help with the abusers. Here is the mission statement for ACT, directly
from their website,
http://www.actabuse.comMission Statement:
ACT's
mission is to protect, support, and educate victims of domestic
violence and their children and survivors of sexual assault in Lee,
Hendry, and Glades Counties.
The agency provides the following
services to realize its mission: emergency protective shelter, a
24-hour crisis hotline, one-on-one counseling, advocacy, support
groups, transitional housing, batterer's intervention groups, community
education and awareness, and information and referrals to those seeking
assistance in other matters.
ACT endeavors to work hand-in-hand
with law enforcement, mental health services, medical professionals,
and the judicial system in providing assistance and education to
victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault.
My band,
Kurveball, will be playing a benefit show at a fundraiser for ACT on
June 26th, 2009 from 6-8PM at Edison College in Fort Myers. The Arts
for ACT Gallery hosts an auction every year to raise money for the
operating costs of the organization. This is a preview reception in the
Library at Edison State College which will allow people to see the
works that will be auctioned away.