Normally I don't speak up too much on things that are highly personal on my blog---I feel that highly personal things are private matters.  However, I can't ignore  the fact that there are a lot of parents out in the world today who do more than just protect their children:  they make the foolish mistake of socially stunting their children beyond what is necessary.

Although I have made mistakes in the parenting arena myself, I must say, I know a handful of parents who have taken the " I'm the parent and you will listen to me " attitude beyond what is reasonably fair to their child/children.  Now, I am not talking about 12/13/14/15 year olds; I am speaking of young adults who are 17 maybe even 18 years old.  As a parent, it is emotionally hard to see your child/children become independent of "house rules"/"parental rules" because of the fact that you really have lost control over the one thing you believed you wouldn't.  However, I see parents these days who try to wield control over their children even as they are becoming young adults in their own rights---and, it's very disturbing to me.

Holding a child emotionally and socially hostage, in my minds eye, is a real bad way of showing you love them.  They won't have the social skills that are necessary when they've finally gained their independence of your home; nor will they be able to handle crises on their own if a parent continues to be overprotective just because of the parents' own past ( i.e.: you're not gonna put me through what I put my parents through).   The world has changed quite a bit since I was a teenager, for sure---it's gotten much faster, much more scarier, and a lot dirtier on top of it.  But, in all reality---parents who don't allow their children to become socially responsible for their own calendar (school, work, friends to spend time with, appointments to be kept) are keeping their children from growing into the responsible adult you honestly want to see them become.

There is another warning for these parents that I must address as well:  although these parents are under the mistaken belief that they can "force" their children to do something they'd rather not ( trying to force your 17/18 year old to have a specific "curfew"; mentally trying to control your 17/18 year old into medical procedures of any type; warning your 17/18 year old that they "better not" have sex/drink/do drugs....the list could go on and on) you are going to find that once your 17/18 year old begins to put their foot down there is NOTHING LEGALLY YOU CAN DO.  How do I know this?  BECAUSE I LIVED IT.

I have two older children---my son is 26 (as of April 18th he will be) and my oldest daughter will be 22 (April 17).  Both taught me quite young and quite early on that kids/children have more control and more legal rights than parents know about.  For instance---all parents assume that since you've always been part of your child's medical care (since before the day you brought them onto the earth), that they have a right to say what happens with their child medically after the age of 17/18 (especially if the child still resides in their home).  This is simply not true!  How do I know this? When my oldest daughter had to see a doctor back when she was 15/16 due to a precancerous condition---she had to sign a release form with her doctor BEFORE the doctor would even speak to me regarding my daughter's medical issues.  The doctor also informed me that, even though I was the parent, it was ultimately my daughter's choice on whether or not she went ahead with the suggested form of treatment.  YES, you read this CORRECTLY:  IT WAS MY DAUGHTER'S CHOICE---EVEN AT AGE 16.  This wasn't the only "wake up, your baby isn't a baby moment" that slapped me in the face;  a couple of years later (my oldest daughter had just recently attained the age of 17), she decided to quit school, move out on her own (even though I just couldn't see how she would make it on a waitress job), and be her own person.  When I called the county police, the first thing I was asked: what is the age of your daughter, ma'am?  When I told the officer that she had recently attained the age of 17---the officer, although he understood my parental angst, had to inform me that, being that my daughter was only less than a year away from attaining the age of majority (18 in the state of IL), there was not a darn thing that local, county, or the state police would do to force my child to come back to my home---they won't deal with cases such as these.  My jaw dropped; I was defeated by my child's age.  My daughter could now make her own decisions, and, it was a really rough lesson for me, especially since my son didn't attempt to leave my home before he was 18.  I WRONGFULLY ASSUMED MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE THE SAME WAY.

Now, I'm not saying that parents should stop being there emotionally/financially for their child/children just because the child/children have attained/are close to attaining the age of majority;  some children need that extra emotional support/financial support to help them adjust to becoming an adult.  However, I do believe that trying to force anything onto your young adult (medical procedures) or restrict your young adult (there's gonna be "adult" situations such as drinking, sex, drugs, whatever) is going to make things more difficult for those parents that look at things from only their own point of view ( the "I'm the parent, you WILL listen to me type" ). 

Wake up, parents of 17/18 year olds:  you are now entering the "spectator" end of parenting.  Your child is now an adult in their own right, able to decide what is best for themselves without your interference.  And the laws of the state that you reside in may even push that button farther than you want it to go. 

I know from experience.