damn paps... "paps" being the ever so affectionate term for paparazzi, or those stealth and sometimes schemey celebrity photographers... being yours truly of course, i don't have the star power to have to deal with such annoyances on a regular basis. the only time i get my photo taken by the paps is either
a. they mistake me for some other really, really ridiculously good looking fellow (usually a "celebrity" of grandiose proportions)
orb. i'm actually hanging out with one of my celebrity friends, of which when printed in the zines, i'm usually captioned as "random dude" or "sketchy pirate guy"
then again there are always the instances of which i happen to be close friends with the photographer, and in order to make me feel "special", i get my photo taken ;-)
but there were times back in the day, where i would just pull the stealth ninja move and sneak into photos at opportune times...
the majority of the time however, i must admit, is when i'm with my "celebrity" friends. for some reason paparazzi love to take photos of douchebags, and well, i happen to have famous friends that are douchebags. now which part of that sentence is more douchey? the fact that i elude to having famous friends? or the fact that i do indeed from time to time hang out with douchebags? do two douches make a right? does doucheyness cancel out? is there a direct correlation with the level of fame and the level of douchebageddry? what is the source of such social behavior? perhaps it's in the eye of the observer? or maybe it's genetic?
this is where i would have inserted a really awesometastic bar chart diagram of sorts, but since i'm on my macbook, and don't have any nifty paint or chart making programs to my knowledge at 5 in the morning, i'll just insert this definitely not posed photo of spencer pratt and heidi montag from the hit mtv show
the hills.*
*
it's important that i point out here that i'm not anti mtv's the hills, just so as long as they play one of my songs in the background of one of their sappy montages. it's also important to note that i'm not anti heidi montag, just anti spencer and heidi ;)when it comes to musicians, i've noticed a different trend in the douchebag line. i don't mind it, as long as it doesn't affect their creative integrity. they're are a few that i hold in higest regards, but shall remain nameless because they mayer may not come across this blog/bulletin... i myself, have been accused of said "title" one a few times, but strangely enough, it doesn't bother me, most likely perhaps because i haven't reached the status of paparazzi fame. plus, i'm a vegetarian. i'm all about voting. i'm active in the community, i support multiple non-profit organizations, and well, i hate to say it, but i'm an all around awesome dude!
i was somehow going to segway this into the topic of sextapes (hence the tittle of this entry), but completely lost track of what i was typing... i think i got too consumed with the possibility of someday winning the noble peace prize... nonetheless, the only sex tape of mine that i know of being in existence, is only audio. and even if there was a video, i wouldn't mind it at all, because i'd much rather be caught with my pants down, than my pants up! the penguin. i don't like my legs... i never have... they are reminiscent of a 10 year old girls legs - which doesn't do much for my street cred... a completely different thing i must add - in bed. but i can't let any of this get to my head. gotta stay grounded instead. in the fine words of close friend, an aussie bird: "always wanking to the best of capabilities. i has to laff at the reality at hand!" and in response to that, i say:
touché douché!^see what i just did there?^ with the accent on the rhyme... sometimes my cleverness amazes me. wait - i do it all the time! cheers to me, cheers to you, and cheers to that ever so affectionate term known as the
douchebag. may i never fall prey to it's insidiously viral clutches!
-sir frank bell
