sometimes life gives us challenges that maybe we don't understand, maybe we never will... I know there are alot of questions I have that will go unanswered. Recently I met someone... out of the blue, who was sweet, and said all the right things, and who I started to care for a lot. Then last night I realized that things weren't right, that I wasn't being fair to myself or to him, I still love brian, everyone knows, that, except him, because I didn't tell him, I should have, I should have been honest with him form the beginning, but I wasn't being honest with myself either. I can't give up on brian just yet and it was unfair to this person for me to lead him on, although I tried not to. So I told him that we shouldn't talk anymore, I hated to do that because I enjoyed talking to him, he made me have feelings that I thought I had guarded myself from haveing, not even love... just like.  And that scared me because I've waited for brian for over a year, and all I have left is just 6 or 7 more months, I can't let him go, I don't want to get close to anyone who makes me think about it, and that's what this guy was doing. I know he probably thinks I'm crazy, maybe hates me, but I did what I thought was right, and that's all I can do....

<333 alexis