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Garrett's making stupid jokes again Solving the problems you never knew existed

Garrett

Garrett Hargrove


Last Updated: 11/19/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 30
Sign: Libra

City: AUSTIN
State: TEXAS
Country: US
Signup Date: 8/29/2006

Who Gives Kudos:


Wednesday, January 16, 2008 

Category: Pets and Animals

In keeping with my theme of covering the least important films of the day, I had to se the gloriousness that is Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. 

The movie started out with a blurb stating that they intentionally hired the most bland, useless actors ever to grace the big screen so that they would no overshadow the presence of Aliens and/or Predators in this film.  It is the gerenal consent amongst the filmmakers that character development would take away screentime from said Aliens and Predators, so we will be skipping the character development for the film (hence the use of bland, bad actors for said parts).  Enjoy the film. 

Please note that the use of the word "film" in the above sentence actually means a series of scenes joined together by a paper thin plot that exists solely to put Predators and/or Aliens in various environments to engage in battle with each other.  Transitions to said scenes were like so:

    "Wow, I can't believe we survived.  What was that big crazy alien looking thing?" said Person A

    "I don't know.  We should run over to the [school/gun store/power plant/forest/hospital]."  Person B states. 

Then they run to the next destination, where it is dark and creepy, yet they enter.  They are then horrifically surprised to find people dead and big, crazy alien looking things there hunting them.  Normally, most people would stop being surprised at seeing big, crazy alien looking things when they enter buildings that look like they had been ravaged by big, crazy alien looking things, but they would have needed to hire actors for that instead of casting their friends in the parts. 

 In lieu of hiring actors, though, they did spend money on special effects.  Which did look good.  There were about 10 Alien vs. Predator fights, which is 9 more than Alien vs. Predator had.  The big problem with the fights is the same problem I have with almost all movie fights now-a-days.  They zoom in too close.  They zoom in to the point where a mesh of black shiny stuff entirely fills the screen.  When you have Superman fighting Brainiac and you have clearly distinct blue and red fighting green, the colors contrast enough and you can see enough that it can pass and you can kind of tell what's going on.  When you have the black, shiny aliens fighting the black, shiny predator and you zoom in way too close, who knows.  Its just shiny black taking up the entire screen.  They could be fighting.  They could be making out.  They could be writing the script as the film is being shot.  Who knows. 

In the end, it was Predator vs. Predalien (the half breed Predator-Alien).  Which, consequentially, sent Ed into a five minute rant in the parking lot.  His point was that just because an Alien was nested and popped out of a Predator, it should not take on any pf the physical characteristics of the Predator, because every time an Alien popped out of a human, it never had human like qualities.  Ed does have a point.  That fact may hold Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem back from winning the Best Screenplay Oscar. 

All in all, I felt it was worth the money I paid to see it.  (I did have a coupon for a free ticket, by the way).

Ŧ Ben Ŧ
Ben Williams

 
No Best Screenplay? Well, do you think it still has a shot at Best Picture?

Well, kudos for being brave enough to give it a try. You're a bigger man than me.
 
Posted by Ŧ Ben Ŧ on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 4:46 PM
[Reply to this
Ali

 
Are you going to be mad if I told you I've never seen a single Alien, Predator, or Alien vs. Predator movie? I'm just curious...
Good job on the blog though! Always a fun read. I was wondering what had happened to you! Glad to have you back in the blogosphere!
 
Posted by Ali on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 4:56 PM
[Reply to this
Garrett
Garrett Hargrove

 
I'm not mad. But, I would recommend picking up Alien (directed by Ridley Scott), Aliens (Directed by James Cameron) and watching those. Then get a little drunk and watch Predator (With Arnold Schwarzeneggarlonglastname). Those are the highlights of the series.
 
Posted by Garrett on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 7:16 PM
[Reply to this
Ed
Ed Boeneke

 
Sweet! I got a cameo in a Garrett Blog. I feel incredibly honored. Really.

Come on Garrett, you need to give us more blogs... You're blogs are seriously the only reliable thing that makes me laugh so much that people start looking at me funny. Well funnier than usual anyway.
 
Posted by Ed on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 - 10:36 PM
[Reply to this
Ŧ Ben Ŧ
Ben Williams

 
Okay...I should've said more on this matter after thinking it over.

The problem is every movie gets a sequel now. If you go to a theater, you will be hard-pressed to find anything other than:

A. An inferior remake of a classic movie

B. An inferior remake of a classic TV show

C. An inferior remake of an inferior TV show

D. A high school humor comedy that may be slightly humorous the first time around, but will have no rewatch value after you've heard the jokes once because the plot and characters have no depth. It will star a former Saturday Night Live cast member or two.

E. The fourth or fifth sequel to a movie that didn't deserve or didn't warrant a sequel to begin with. This trend may have started with Police Academy.

When we were young, movies only got a sequel if they earned it. And they didn't keep using the same idea for each movie, or recycling the same jokes (Austin Powers, for example). Look at Star Wars, Rocky or The Godfather. Each movie stands on it's own, has a different theme, and advances the storyline quite a bit. I don't know. I hate to sound like a crotchety old man, but this 21st Century Hollywood is falling far short of the standard that has been set before.

Alien is classic. A sequel of a movie that brought together two movies made 20 years ago, not so classic. Coming soon: Rain Man vs. Forrest Gump

And I agree, you should blog more often.
 
Posted by Ŧ Ben Ŧ on Friday, January 18, 2008 - 2:00 AM
[Reply to this
Garrett
Garrett Hargrove

 
Believe me, I am on your side. There are tons of writers like both of us with good original ideas that are getting pushed aside in favor of Aliens vs. Predator vs. Dane Cook:Requiem to a Dram II:The Dream Team.

And I will try to blog more often. The last few months have been a bitch between all the holidays, buying a house and everything else.

BTW. I love the Rain Man vs. Forrest Gump idea. "I'm gunna whip your buttocks, Mister Hoffman." You're definitely going to get your ass kicked. Definitely. Right after Wapner."
 
Posted by Garrett on Friday, January 18, 2008 - 2:05 AM
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