1. Come up with the most varied way to eat it. If you end up with as big a
leg as my mum buys, you'll always be engaged in a race to eat it before it
turns. So jaffles, pastas, open sandwiches, closed sandwiches, soups -
everything you can think of.

2. There's a great Roald Dahl short story where a lady kills her husband
with a frozen leg of lamb and then serves it to the investigating police,
thus disposing of the murder weapon. You could do the same with the ham,
only you can't eat a leg of ham in one sitting so you'd need to sit on the
body for a few weeks. Wrap it in a wet tea towel and keep it in the fridge.
Should last two to three weeks.

3. Eat nothing but ham and test whether if you were trapped on an island
with only one food, could that food be ham?

4. Prove a point. As the weeks pass after christmas, and the ham finally
goes off, don't insist that your parents throw it out and let them get sick.

5. Use it as an alibi. I once heard about a guy who was walking home from
school, eating a ham sandwich. The police pulled up next to him and asked
him what he was doing. He said, walking home and eating a sandwich. They
asked him what was in the sandwich, and he said: ham. Satisfied with this
answer, the police drove off.