Did you go to the show last night and find yourself surrounded by nothing but gossip hounds and macho dickheads? What better way to conjure up memories of the joys of youth than strawberry shortcake? This is one of my favorite desserts, though there has been an ongoing controversy here at the house over the use of Bisquick for the biscuit mix. Strawberry shortcake consists of sliced strawberries that have been macerated, whipped cream, and a white cake or biscuit. I'm from the camp that insists that strawberry shortcake is made with a biscuit, not a cake or a skinhead, and preferably a biscuit from Betty Crocker's Bisquick mix. Sean Cole, guitarist for the legandary pop group Toys That Kill, won't use Bisquick any more (after decades of use) because it contains saturated fats, which we all agree are very very bad for you. He prefers to buy scones from Whole Foods and use those instead. The scone method is okay, but still isn't as good as a Bisquick biscuit. My view is a few times a year eating Bisquick biscuits won't kill you. And rumor has it that a new version of Bisquick is coming out, sans trans fats. But really, c'mon? Fuck that shit. Ingredients: 2 1/3 cups Bisquick baking mix 3 Tbsp butter, melted 1/2 cup milk 3 Tbsp sugar for the biscuits, 1/2 cup of sugar for the strawberries 3 baskets of fresh strawberries whipping cream vanilla Remove the stems from the strawberries. Slice into thin (1/8") slices. Put into a large bowl. Add 1 Tablespoon of sugar, mix into the strawberries. Set aside at room temperature to macerate (which means that the sugar will soften the straweberries and help release their juices). And ,yeah! Go ahead and put the new Paint It Black album on, we're gonna be baking for a while! Also, bong rips, ofcourse. The strawberry shortcake biscuit recipe used to be on the side of the Bisquick box. For some unfathomable reason, the company has started to print the recipe on the inside of the box. Talk about not understanding the scene?! If you can't find the recipe, here it is: Heat oven to 425°F. Stir baking mix, melted butter, milk, and 3 Tbsp of sugar in a mixing bowl until soft dough forms. Drop by 6 spoonfuls on to a greased cookie sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. After the strawberries have been sitting for 20 minutes or so, take a potato masher and mash them a little. Mash, don't "mosh", just enough to get more juice out of them. (Note: when Ben quit the Modern Machines, none of them minded cuz he tends to over-mash. I leave more big slices of strawberries when I make them.) Whip cream, adding a drop or two of vanilla and a teaspoon of sugar. To serve, break up one biscuit per person into big pieces into a bowl. Ladle strawberries over the biscuit, then fart in an envelope and mail it to your mom.