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Tele: The opposite of Def LeppardBy Darryl Sterdan
Some bands take themselves too seriously. Thankfully, Tele is not one of those bands. The local pop-rock foursome put their heads together and came up with plenty of snappy answers to our stupid questions.
- Who's in the band, how old are they, what do they play, and what do they do for real money?
Derek G.W. Allard -- Drums, 24, adult film cameraman.
Brendan Berg -- Bass/vocals, 25, CEO of Harlem Globetrotters.
Zack David Antel -- Keyboards, 25, Stockboy.
Matt Worobec -- Lead vocals/guitar, 25, Caddy to Bilbo Baggins at the Shire Golf and Country Club.
- Give us the history of the band in 20 words or less.
Four non-brothers from the same mother that quit volleyball careers for music and eating endless quantities of Kraft Dinner.
- Describe your music and/or sound in 20 words or less.
A mix of passion fruit, orange and guava. Actually it's Pop/Rock goodness.
- Describe your look and/or image in 20 words or less.
Moody and depressed. Don't tell our moms but we smoke a lot of chocolate bubblegum cigarettes.
- Tell us about your latest CD or upcoming gig in 20 words or less.
Last CD went platinum six times and won six Grammys. We are expecting about six people at the next show, which is March 13 at Park Theatre. You should come.
-Why should we come to your gig?
'Cause people say we're really good live and the show only costs $10.
- If you're so great, tell us this: How does your music make the world better?
We inspire people to be angry and fight. That's the answer to keeping our economy going strong.
- What's your most original quality?
We are the opposite of Def Leppard. We have a member with an extra arm.
- What's your motto?
School's for fools.
- Complete this sentence: This band runs on ...
Glue fumes.
- What's your best song and what makes it so good?
Our cover of Tom Sawyer by Rush. It's great 'cause we didn't write it.
- What's your worst song and what the heck were you thinking when you wrote it?
A brand new song called La Poubelle. We were hoping to use it to break into the Francophone scene.
- Name a song you wish you had written and tell us why:
In Da Club by 50 Cent. That song sums us all up nicely.
- Your favourite movies?
All the Ernest movies. Cinematic magic.
- Your favourite TV shows?
Keeping up with the Kardashians and MTV's Parental Control, The Real World, My Super Sweet 16 and Human Giant. All of which you can hear us on for their 2009 fall season.
- Your favourite book?
Our tour "diary" available at myspace.com/tele.
- Time for your favourite non-music websites.
www.goodhousekeeping.com
- And now your favourite magazines.
The Robb Report.
- Tell us about your tattoos / piercings or other body modifications. Don't be shy.
Brendan broke his leg last month. Now he's got a pretty sweet steel rod in his leg.
- What is your most valued possession? And where do you keep it?
Our sanity. At our Babba's.
- Got any guilty pleasures?
Watching infomercials on helium.
- What kind of food would you like named after you? And what would be the ingredients?
A pizza with a Melba toast crust, hot sauce, liver, and goat cheese.
- Name your favourite musical act of all time.
Kriss Kross -- they're a huge inspiration, but we go further and wear our pants 360o backwards.
- Who would you be happy to be compared to?
Cirque de Soleil.
- Who would you be insulted to be compared to?
W.A.S.P.
- Tell us about your best gig to date.
Our last show at the West End before they closed. Everything was right in the world for that hour and a half.
- Now your worst gig.
We opened for Kenny Loggins at a house party in Omaha.
- OK, now describe your ultimate fantasy gig. Don't hold anything back.
Live at the ACC in Toronto with the Pussy Cat Dolls as our backup dancers.
- What are your pre-show rituals, superstitions and good luck charms?
We like to tickle each other.
- What's the coolest piece of merch you sell?
Tele freezies.
- What is your current mode of transportation to gigs?
Hitch-hiking -- and when we're lucky, the Van-Borghini.
- How would you like to travel from gig to gig? Dream big.
Electric go-karts and occasionally Tele-porting.
- Pick your superpower: Invisibility, flight or ... ?
Diplomacy; superheroes aren't diplomatic enough.
- Tell us a joke.
This guy wants to go hunting so ... oh wait, we can't tell that one.
- What's the dumbest thing you've ever done? Come on, we won't tell anybody.
Strapping Zack to the roof of the touring van to save space. We shouldn't have used duct tape.
- What's the smartest thing you've ever done?
Stayed in Winnipeg -- the local music scene here is better than anywhere else in Canada.
- Who would you like to hit with a pie? And what kind of pie would it be?
Stephen Hawking, that smart bastard. We'd hit him with a 3.14 pie.
- Pretend I'm a heckler at your next gig. I yell "You suck!" and throw an ice cube at you. What do you do?
Put the ice in our whiskies and yell "Slayer!"
- Complete this sentence: We'll know we're a success when ...
The Sun asks us to fill out this questionnaire.
- Now complete this sentence: We know we're a failure when ...
After reading this, you don't feel the urge to check us out at www.myspace.com/tele.
- What would it take to make you give up music? Not that we're suggesting anything.
If there wasn't any money left, we had just played for two people in Liverpool, N.S., and we hadn't showered in five days ... wait that's already happened.
9:57 PM
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