I've always wondered what these were about, writing out your thoughts, prayers, poems for others to read...and I guess I'm not a huge fan of vulnerability. I'm working on it though...trying to trust that no one is reading what I write to make fun of me or laugh at my own thoughts. Or, let's be honest, reading this blog anyways. Life has an amazing way of running you through the fire, burning away the junk and the things that maybe you didn't know were weighing you down and keeping you from achieving your best, your happiest. Sometimes you don't even know how unhappy you really were until you do get a little burned...the whole, "It's gonna get worse before it gets better" thought. And I have found that it's true...I guess feeling at your all time low is the only way to fully understand how beautiful life is, how happy I could have been for so long if I had let myself. The past few months have been the toughest, most painful, and most completely rewarding of my life. I have reconnected with amazing friends that I never, ever should have grown apart from, and who have taught me more about friendship in the past month than any of them will ever know. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing people in my life, friends that even though I have neglected and not stayed in touch, forgive me without saying a word and come stand by my side again, never being asked or begged to do so. I feel like a new man, and my relationships are morphing and growing with me in ways that I have never imagined. I have been so happy, finally discovering myself and learning to be content with everything I have been given. I have been learning to accept change, which scares me more than I knew it could. I am a creature of patterns, of order...I don't like having my world turned upside down and then told to figure it out. But thats how life works sometimes, and it really does work out in the end. It hurts, it sucks, but if you focus on the pain more than why you are feeling the hurts, you won't get a chance to appreciate the moment of clarity, the instant that you understand that life is so much better on the other side, and you smile genuinely for the first time in weeks.
Part of me feels apologetic...I'm feeling kind of abstract and introspective tonight, which is insanely rare, so I thought I would try writing it down for others to read and maybe give some of your own thoughts about...and I know it's confusing. I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. The other part of me says, "Stop typing, and feed me." Thats the stomach part of me talking, and he usually wins all of our arguments. Have a wonderful day today, wherever you are whatever you are doing.