Fancy pulling your finger out and doing some professional writing – maybe even using the very same poo-stained finger that you’ve just pulled out of your arse? You do? Well as it happens, FRONT is looking for shit-hot new writers. All you need to do is send us the lovely stuff listed below, and if your scribblings tickle our happy-sticks, then Bob is very much your uncle.

We’ll be needing the following:

UN: Two ideas for FRONT features. Be as detailed as you like, and think Slipknot, Babycakes and Gameboys – not hooligans, poker or cocaine-smuggling Page 3 monkey pirates.

DEUX: A 500-word review (written in the FRONT style) of a film, album, place, person you’ve slept with or inanimate object you’re fond of.

TROIS: The name of somebody you’d love to interview for FRONT – and three questions you’d ask them.

Email your applications to jobs@frontarmy.co.uk by 21st June, puh-lease.

(Sorry, but due to the large number of job apps we receive and our raging alcohol dependency we regret that we won’t be able to respond to non-successful sender-inners.)