I woke this morning with barely a voice to order breakfast from my local cafe. My Marcel Marceau impression was the result of going to the football last night. I would have been comforted if the majority of my screaming last night was cheering my team on as they snapped an 8 game losing streak but alas it wasn't. We won and yes I was jubilant with the score but my yelling was due to the decreasing quality in umpiring.

Now it is never sporting to whinge about the umpires when your team loses so it seems only fair that since we notched up a rare win this season I would take this opportunity to take a huge dump on the AFL and the umpiring system.

Last night's game between my beloved Bombers and West Coast Eagles was the most pathetic display of umpiring I have ever witnessed. Inconsistent decision making from the maggots has caused frustration in the players and spectators thereby taking the fun out of this unique game. Last time I checked, if you face the boundary and handball directly into the fence then that is a deliberate out of bounds. Not so according to Messrs Rosebury, Chamberlain and Jeffery.

That was the most blatant mistake last night, a night that saw me yell at umpires compared to cheering my team on at a factor of about 2:1.

I realise that Aussie Rules has got more grey areas in its rules than any other sport on the planet but it has got to the point that if I didn't have a team to support - I would give up on this great game. I sit here this evening glancing at the Crows v Hawks game on the TV screen (a game consisting of two teams I could really care less about) and I find myself yelling at the umpires at absolutely stupid decisions affecting both sides. That's not right, in fact it is bang out of order. I shouldn't be yelling at umpires full stop let alone in a game that holds as much interest for me as masturbating to pictures of Beth Ditto.

Assuming I don't have anger issues (or a penchant for overweight lesbian musicians), then who do I point the finger at? The umpires themselves are an easy target but we all have somebody to serve. Since Jeff Gieschen has taken on the role of Umpire's manager we have seen a steady decline in the interpretations of rules.

Why this man is in charge still is beyond me. The first sign he was no good should have been in the interview process when he had Richmond Coach 1997 - 1999 listed on his CV.

The other person that should take the blame is Andrew Demetriou and the pack of cronies he hangs out with. Treating the league like their own facist regime, Demetriou and Co continue to bury their heads in the sand on the issues that need fixing (the flawed draft system, the flawed tribunal system, the aforementioned state of umpiring) yet will stick their noses in areas where it is none of their business. I can't wait for the day North Melbourne play the future Gold Coast franchise and flog the ever loving shit out of them.

For the short term though, I will continue to see the Bombers play and will cheer them on like any one eyed supporter should. Just know my other eye will be on those maggots ruining the game.