(Hello all... I am archiving all my old blogs... I wrote them leading up to the release of "Waiting..." If you haven’t already, I highly recommend you read them. They’re fucking great. Start from the bottom and work your way up to the top, and then prepare to have your mind and heart blown...)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The Option Was About to Expire...
Okay, big ole preface here: In the past blog entries, I’ve talked about the various people involved with the struggle to get this lil’ movie o’ mine made, and I have had many caustic things to say. Part of that is because I am naturally an acerbic writer, and part of it is because what they did warranted my acerbic writings. Obviously, eventually many of them will read my blog postings and it could potentially make them feel bad/sad/mad. And for the most part, I stand by what I wrote. I mean, I know I roasted Russell a bit in the past entries, and for that I feel some guilt, but I at least feel like I acknowledged that I was being a real piss-ant too. And hell, I hope certain other people read my vitriol. Everyday I pray that Christmas has come early and I find out The Shitbag Producer has read everything I have to say about his filthy wretch-mongering ways...

But now were are getting into very tricky territory. I am about to write some negative things about my old agent, McKnight, and one of my producers, Shestack. And for this I am very torn. I don’t want to hold anything back when I write these entries, because I think whoever reads this deserves to know the truth, and not read some bullshit white-washing. There is way too much of that in Hollywood. However, now we are talking about two people whom I respect immensely. I would work with Shestack again in a fucking heartbeat. Seriously. I hope we get to work together again, because we have similar sensibilities, and he’s a great guy who took a quarter-of-a-million-dollar chance on a douche-waiter in Orlando. And McKnight was stuck in the middle of an absolutely impossible situation. You see, an agent has a responsibility to serve his client to the best of his (or her) ability. But what does the agent do when he has two clients whose interests are at cross-purposes? Well, he picks a side and hopes that the side he picks wins, otherwise he will have two unhappy clients, as opposed to just one... I can’t really blame McKnight for siding with Russell. Russell was the hired director with a film under his belt, as well as a couple professional writing gigs. I wasn’t hired as the director, I had not a shred of real experience, and I was/am a professional writer who hates to fucking write. So McKnight made the lesser-of-two-evils move. I know that. And you should know that. And most importantly, you should know that I know that... So as you read, PLEASE keep all that in mind. Especially if you, the reader, happen to be named Greg McKnight or Jon Shestack...

(Jeez, you’d think I was about to accuse them of being a couple of ass-diddling pederasts...)

So the project was at Newline, who were basically just stringing us along, and there were two distinct sides that formed within our group as a result of Balis bringing up to Newline that I should be considered for the directing job. Shestack, Russell, and Russell’s agent, McKnight were in one group, with Balis, myself, and Chris Moore in the other. And unfortunately, McKnight was my agent too, which created a big ol’ conflict of interest...

So we were only a couple months away from the official two-year option mark. Once we hit that mark, the rights to the script would revert back to me, and I would control the material once again. Now after three or four months of Newline pissing in my ear, I stopped believing it was raining, so I began putting the feelers out there to see if I could find some interest from other independent financers, with me attached as the director. I met with a handful of places and I actually got two bites. One from Robin Schorr over at Sobini Films, and one from Rob Green over at Media Ventures, Hans Zimmer’s new production company. Now I didn’t tell anyone about these clandestine meetings. Actually, that’s not enitrely true. I told everyone. Except for Shestack, Russell, and McKnight.

Once we were about a month away from the option reverting back to me, I got a call from Balis telling me that Shestack wanted me to voluntarily extend the option to him for three more months... for free. My first thought was, "are you fucking kidding me," with my second and third thoughts roughly approximating my first (I think they were, "is he fucking serious?" and, "He can’t be fucking serious, can he?" respectively). I mean, why on earth would I give up the rights to the script for even three more months if I didn’t have to? I wouldn’t have done it even if he offered me money, but he wanted me to do it for free no less, which lead me to think, "Does he think I’m fucking stupid?" and "is he fucking stupid?" Actually, I think he just wanted me to do it out of the kindness of my heart, not realizing that kindness had been replaced by bitterness long ago. Bitter that I wasn’t supported throughout the rewriting process with Russell. Bitter that I wasn’t invited to any of the casting sessions like I’d been promised. Bitter than I hadn’t been invited to anything, ever. Most of all, Bitter that no one seemed to care about my bitterness. A lot of this was pointed at Shestack, because ultimately he was the one who owned the rights to the script at the time, so he had final say. And he wanted me to give him the rights for free, for three more months. I told Balis to tell Shestack that I would like to politely refuse his offer to let me let him have the rights for three more months. Then I got a call from my agent telling me that Jon would like to sit down and have lunch with me to try to convince me otherwise. I told my agent it wasn’t necessary, because I wasn’t going to change my mind. Then McKnight -MY agent- put me on the defensive. He said something to the effect of, "Why? Just because you’re pissed at him and want some kind of revenge?" making me seem as petty as humanly possible. So I told him how I felt betrayed that I got no support throughout the last year, nor had I gotten even a single cursory phone call from Shestack to try to mitigate my anguish. But McKnight laid it on thick and ultimately I caved. I agreed to have lunch with Shestack. But I wasn’t going to let him off easy. I was going to call him on everything that I told McKnight about...

Because I was drawing a line in the sand and was convincing myself that Shestack was the bad guy in all of this, I really demonized him in my head. But once we actually sat down and talked about it, it was impossible not to like Jon. He understood that I wanted to direct this movie more than anything, but he just wanted to control it for a little longer. And he was totally up front about why he wanted the script rights for a little longer: He felt like we were within a couple months of closing the Newline deal, and he wanted to make sure that he would get paid his hefty fee. He felt like he earned it, and I told him I didn’t disagree. But, I told him that this wasn’t about the money for me, and that I had no interest in kicking him off the project, but I also couldn’t just give up the rights to the script without any incentive. Then Jon threw out what could be considered a threat. He said, "you know, if you don’t give me the option for a few months, I could just exercise the option and pay you off for sixty-five thousand dollars." And he was right. If he decided to pay me the rest of the purchase price, then there would be nothing I could do. I would be sixty-five thousand dollars richer, and he would own the rights to "waiting..." indefinitely, end of story. But Jon had already spent ten grand of his own money for the second option a year ago, with nothing to show for it, and I suspected he wasn’t too keen on the idea of spending sixty-five thousand more without a guaranteed sale. But he did throw that out there just to give himself the perception of leverage.
Right around that time, I decided to call Jon on all the unfair treatment I had to endure over the past year, especially given how much he knew I wanted to direct this thing... And here was the wierd thing: Amazingly, Jon had an immediate response for every one of my concerns. And I mean immediate. Truly, his anticipation skills were downright uncanny. Why, it was almost as though he had been prepped by someone in advance...

Oh yeah, that’s right, he was...
By my agent....

McKnight called Jon and told him our entire agent-client conversation so that Jon had pre-fabricated answers for all my accusations... Part of the reason I went to the lunch was to put him on the spot and get some honest answers to some tough questions. But thanks to their collusion, I was denied that opportunity.

Man, those two ass-diddling pederasts really pulled one over on me...
Written by Rob McKittrick at 3:30 AM - 12 Comments Home Page | Create a Fan Blog

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Moving on to Newline...
Hello all. Quick notes before I get into this newest entry. Number one, thank you Dane and JFD for posting. Good stuff. Hopefully I can get a few more actors to stop by before all is said and done... Also, you should be seeing commercials anytime now, if not already. I saw one during The Daily Show, and I almost busted a big Dailyey, Showy load (that’s for the Dane Cook fans). Finally, I took the advice of some commenting people and set up a MySpace account (www.myspace.com/robmckittrick) to help whore for the cause... Spread the word, por favor...

Anyway, back to our tale...

So things were looking good with Helcon, a German film financier, and then the planes crashed on September 11th and everything fell through. Man, it sucks for me that September 11th happened. (Too soon to make fun of 9/11 grief?) To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how real the Helcon deal was anyway. For all I know, the deal would have fallen through, much like all the other times, even had the planes not crashed. But it made a perfect scapegoat. Obviously, I more than anyone was happy we decided to invade Iraq, to seek some retribution! Those Iraqis would finally pay for what they did to me. (Too passe to make fun of Bush?) So we were back to square one. Yet again. Of course, being back to square one felt a hell of a lot like being on square ten, since they were keeping me out of the loop about everything anyway. So the hunt began again for money, and this time it led us to...

...Newline Pictures.

There was an exec, Richard Brener, who championed the script over at Newline and really wanted to see the movie made there. Also, Russell’s agent got the script to Noah Emmerich, an actor (Truman Show, Frequency), who read the script and loved it too, and his brother Toby was the recently annointed President over at Newline, which gave us another great in... I never really thought it had a chance over there, because "Waiting..." was such a small movie, and Newline was just too big for it, but Shestack, Balis and Russell were all very optimistic. So we entered into the fray with Newline and began discussing how we could get this movie made over there...

THREE MONTHS LATER...

So we were now into early 2002, and Newline was still figuring out what they needed to justify making the movie. To the untrained eye it seemed like they were just jerking us off, but I can assure you that not only were they jerking us off, but they were also whispering sweet nothings into our ear. But Shestack held onto hope that the big Newline deal/payday was right around the corner if we could only work out a few things. Most of it came down to casting, it seemed. At one point Newline drafted a Chinese-Menu-like list of actors, telling us that if we could get one actor from Column A, and then either two actors from Column B or three from Column C they would bankroll the movie. So the Producers and the Director tried in earnest to get some agreements from the actors. Sadly, the actors (or their agents) wouldn’t commit without a real offer with real money, but we couldn’t get real money or make real offers without their attachment. Welcome to Hollywood. By the way, I said "We" couldn’t get real money, but that implies I had some modicum of involvement, which I did not, goddamnit... Not that I’m bitter. The thing is, I was beginning to hope the movie wouldn’t happen over at Newline, because in a couple short months the rights to the script would revert back to me and then I would be in control of it again.

At the same time, Balis and I were becoming closer, cuddlier friends, and I asked him to float out the idea of me as the director to the execs at Newline during their next meeting, as he too doubted Russell’s ability to pull off the funny. So Balis did bring it up at the next meeting, and Brener’s response was essentially, "I see no benefit to Russell over Rob," which was fucking awesome to hear. Of course, right after the meeting, Shestack balled Balis out for bringing that up in the meeting. Then Shestack called Russell’s agent, who immediately called Balis to ball him out as well... And this caused "The Split." The one group, became two. Now it was coming for awhile now, but Balis’ action accelerated the emergence of the two clear sides:

Balis, Chris Moore, and myself were on one side.
Shestack, Russell, and Russell’s agent, Greg McKnight, were on the other.

There was only one problem... McKnight was my agent too...
Written by Rob McKittrick at 10:30 PM - 9 Comments Home Page | Create a Fan Blog


Sunday, September 18, 2005
Hollywood: Year Two....
So Russell completely rewrote me, I threw a hissy-fit-and-a-half over it, and I got no real support from the Producers. Add to that, I had been out in Hollywood for over a year, and my movie was no closer to getting made than when I was a waiter in Orlando.

Once Russell and I made our way through the entire Russell-supervised rewrite of the script, we pretty much stopped talking to each other. However, before our conversational hiatus, Russell informed me that there were still a number of changes he wanted to see made over the coming months, including, inexplicably, making one of the characters gay. I say "inexplicably" because the character, Mitch, does nothing particularly hetero or homo throughout the day, and the reveal doesn’t really add anything, other than a manufactured twist that ultimately doesn’t go anywhere. And the last thing my movie needs is a plot twist. First it would need a plot. After hearing that, I was really concerned about what type of movie Russell was intending to make. I initally thought, at worst, it would just be a less funnier version of the movie I would have made, but after hearing all his suggestions I began to think he might really do some real damage...

Shortly after that, the town shut down for a few months, due to the threatened writer’s strike. The Writer’s Guild is supposed to be there to help you, but it was fucking me over big time with this goddamn threat of a strike. When our deal was finally settled we were now into the summer again... Over that summer, Russell began meeting actors and doing auditions. Naturally, he didn’t invite me to any of the meetings or auditions, in spite of his promise to do so. And naturally, the Producers didn’t come to my aid either. At this point, I have to be honest, I kinda forgot about Waiting... for a few months. I would call Balis occasionally, to find out an update, and it was always the same response: "We are talking to this company, and they’re really interested in the project. We should know something within the next couple weeks." Over the next few months, the companies they were talking to changed, but the end result was always the same: No company was willing to pull the trigger and give us the cash we needed to make the movie...

Now there are a few reasons why we couldn’t get the cash we needed. First of all, it wasn’t the cash we needed, it was the cash we wanted. Shestack, the producer in control of the script, wanted six million bucks to make the movie, which was probably more than we absolutely needed. And the reason he wanted that much was because, by this point, Jon had put so much time into the project, he wanted to be properly compensated for it, and unfortunately you can’t justify a half-million dollar producer’s fee if the budget is only three million. But you can if it’s six million.

The other big reason we couldn’t get the money together was because of the very nature of the script itself. It was always the type of script that some people absolutely fucking loved, thought it was the funniest thing since sliced bread (which is hilarious, I admit), and some people absolutely fucking hated, and thought the people who loved it were absolutely fucking retarded. And when you are trying to get money in the millions, having even a couple naysayers makes it exponentially more difficult...

By around mid-August, however, things were looking really really good with a German film company called (I believe) HelCon. They loved the project and weren’t balking at the budget. Like always, we were told it would take a few weeks, but the producers had a really good feeling about this company. I, of course, had no feelings about the company, because I wasn’t there for any of it, and hadn’t spoken to Russell in several months... But there was definitely a feeling that it was actually going to happen this time...

...And then September 11th happened.
Written by Rob McKittrick at 8:40 PM - 3 Comments Home Page | Create a Fan Blog


Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Further Dealings With Russell...
Hello all... It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve given you a full-on blog detailing the journey, and for that I’m sorry. Not real sorry, but definitely a little bit. Thanks to Anna and Andy, who have posted audio blogs already... I expect I will get a few more actors to stop by before all is said and done. Of course I expected that I would get laid on prom night and die with a full head of hair, so my predictions are for shit.

So when we last left the blog entry, I was working with Russell DeGrazier, the director of Waiting... As I mentioned in my last post, he was in a virtually impossible situation, and I realize that one-hundred percent... but I am still gonna make a little fun of him. Yep. I’m that guy. As long as you, the reader, realize from the outset that I am the one who is in the wrong here for not taking the moral high road, then I can, with good conscious, make remarks at his expense...

So Russell and I were working through the rewrite together and our relationship was becoming more and more strained. From his perspective I was being the precious writer, unwilling to make the necessary changes to the script that will lead it to success. And from my perspective he was an unfunny toolbag, unwilling to not be an unfunny toolbag. So we butted heads a number of times. Strangely though, I actually felt like we were hitting a pretty good stride at one point. I had rewritten the first half of the script, per his instructions (with the occasional argument), and was gearing up to do the second half.

Right around this time I got my first rewriting gig, so I needed a weekend off of rewriting Waiting..., to concentrate on this new project. If you’re not aware, there is an entire business in Hollywood dedicated to rewriting scripts written by other writers. In fact, there are screenwriters out here that have never had anything make it to screen, but still enjoy a very lucrative career as a rewriter. So I started rewriting this script for Sony called Mr. Hawaii. At first I felt like an interloper, because I would empathize with my fellow writer about how crappy it must feel to be rewritten. After all, the only original screenplay I had written up to this point was Waiting.. and the very thought of getting rewritten made me want to pull my fucking hair-

--Right around the time I was finishing that mental sentence, I found out that Russell had rewritten the entire script behind my back over the one weekend I took off. He tried to say I wasn’t available so he had no choice but to rewrite me, but that was pure manure. Afterwards, he sent me his version and told me this was the new version of the script we will be working from, end of discussion. But in some attempt to make me feel better, he added, "but if you have a problem with a specific line here or there, perhaps we can talk about it." I couldn’t fucking believe it. He told me the very first day we met that because he was a writer and he knew how personal this project was to me that he would never rewrite me. But rewrite me he did. And I went absolutely ape-shit. I went line-by-line through the entire script and condescendingly explained why virtually every decision he made was wrong. Now that enough time has passed, if I am being perfectly honest, I was way too harsh (he had a lot of great ideas) and way too childish (my condescending e-mail to him was the very definition of "burning a bridge" had he not been so cool), but fuck I was pissed. And I had every reason to be. So I threw a catastrophic tantrum to the producers, to which they replied, in essence, "Shut up." Deaf ears all around... Actually, that’s not entirely true. Shestack was the main person saying "Shut up," and since he controlled the script, Balis had to say "Shut up" as well (And Chris Moore had taken a complete back-seat to work on other projects). Also, in Shestack’s defense, Russell was the director of the movie who wanted these changes to be made. And what the director says, barring something ridicuously unrealistic, goes... He was supporting the director over the writer, which is always the case. But nevermind all that "in their defense" crap. It was a shitty thing to do, and a shitty way to do it...

This was at the beginning of February, 2001... Apart from my feelings of despair, abandonment, and shittiness, a few other key things were occurring around this time. My agent, Chris Fenton, quit the William Morris Agency to become a manager, and in the process "handed me off" to Greg McKnight, an agent I had gotten to know pretty well over at WMA. A really strong, aggressive agent, McKnight also repped DeGrazier, which will become an important detail in blogs to come.

Also, there was a writer’s strike looming in the very near future. Basically, it was getting near the end of the contract between the Writer’s Guild and the Studios, and it was time to renegotiate, which always means a strike must be threatened to give us leverage. But the end result is that it puts the entire fucking industry on hold for three-to-six months.

DeGrazier and I had several more flare-ups, and it got to the point to where he actually came over to my place one time and said, "I knew you wanted to direct this movie, but I don’t think I realized how much you wanted it. Maybe I should just quit, cuz I don’t know how much more of this I can take." He was so frustrated by my obstinance, and was reaching the end of his rope. I remember feeling bad, because he was a good guy, and I was being a world-class cock master, but I have to admit internally my heart lit up at the thought of him quitting the project. By this point I realized that if he directed the movie it would be decent, but it wouldn’t be nearly as funny as if I directed it, and since this was a comedy, for some reason that seemed really important.

But Russell didn’t quit the project. He just decided to cut me out of the process even more...
Written by Rob McKittrick at 1:04 AM - 4 Comments Home Page | Create a Fan Blog


Thursday, September 01, 2005
Working with the New Director...
Before I get into the further history of getting my movie made, I just wanted to give my condolences to the victims of the hurricane. And especially the great city of New Orleans. For those of you unaware, we shot "waiting..." in Kenner, Louisiana, just outside of New Orleans. I met so many wondeful people while I was there shooting "waiting..." and I truly hope each and everyone of them are safe. New Orleans is an absolutely incredible place. It’s like France mixed with the dirty-south, and it is fucking awesome. The best food I have ever had, and so much of it... So many cities and towns in America are interchangeable, but New Orleans is a completely unique creature. I urge anyone who reads this to donate something to the relief effort.

Anyway...

So I was now into year two of my Hollywood adventure, and year four since I wrote this sucker... Shestack quit Artisan and on the way out took personal possession of the rights to the script. On the one hand, it was very flattering, because he put his money where his mouth was and optioned the script using his own money. On the other hand, I felt a little bamboozled, because when I originally sold the option, I sold it to a studio and not an individual. If it was just going to be controlled by an individual, I wanted that individual to be me. Alas, this was not the case. So as an independent producer, Shestack began the process of shopping the project around to different places, in the hopes of getting financing...

He also hired a director, a guy named Russell DeGrazier. Let me preface anything I say about Russell and our relationship with a couple statements:

1) Russell was a really great, patient guy.
2) I wasn’t.

Russell had to put up with a lot of bullshit from me. He was in a terribly hard situation, working closely with the person he knew wanted his job, and he handled it extremely well.

That being said...

When Russell and I first met it was great. He’s really smart, really articulate, and has a real calming way about him. By contrast I am often a spaz. Though not too shabby in the smarts department, and fairly articulate, I talk fast, I pace, I fidget, and I think I have a real anxiety-causing way about me. So it was nice to meet someone with, if I may be so faggy, such a different energy about him. I hadn’t seen his first film, Attraction, but I heard it was very good. Of course, I heard it from his agent, but nevermind that... His agent, by the way, was a guy named Greg McKnight, who also assisted Fenton with being my agent at William Morris, so we were all one...big...happy...family.

Anyway, I remember one of the things DeGrazier said to me the first time we met. Something to the effect of:

"Listen, I want you to know how much I respect you as a writer. I, too, am a writer, so I know what you are going through. I actually never thought I would direct something I didn’t write, but I loved your script so much I had to put myself up for it. Don’t worry, I’m never going to rewrite you or anything like that. Any changes that are made to the script will go through you."

Music to my ears.

"And I know how much you wanted to direct this thing. So I want you to also know that I am going to have you involved with every aspect of this movie. Often, the writers get shut out of the process, but you are going to be there every step of the way."

Music to my ears, heart, and loins.

And it would have been even more musical to my various organs had any of it actually been true...

Russell and I immediately jumped into the rewriting process again. At this point I was rewriting the script for free, because there was no studio to foot the bill. But DeGrazier wanted changes to be made, and if I didn’t do them he would. He actually had some very sharp ideas. Most of his suggestions were small structural changes, or a character moment adjustment, and they were usually positive... Not always, of course. We definitely bumped heads on more than one occasion. Usually our head-butts would be over comedy-related moments. He would passive-aggresively tell me something wasn’t funny, and I would aggressive-aggresively tell him it was. I was definitely too guarded with my work, and didn’t budge as much as I probably should have, given that he was the director. With the Artisan execs I was always aware of not coming across as too precious or defensive, but I wasn’t showing the same poise with DeGrazier. And I think it’s because when I was working with Artisan I was still up for the director job, so I was on my best behavior in front of the execs. But since I was now talking to the director, the director that should have been me, goddamnit, I was a lot more honest when I thought something was a bad idea... and it slowly began to wear down our relationship... As we worked through the first and second act, He became more and more aware that I was going to be a real pain in the ass for the duration of the process, and I became more and more aware that he was the anti-funny.

And then it got really bad...
Written by Rob McKittrick at 11:42 PM - 3 Comments