So, the other day, I heard a man say the words, "This is America! Speak English!"

It infuriated me to no end.  I'm kind of a moderate.  There are some conservatives who call me a liberal.  But there's a bunch of liberals who think I'm not one. So fuck 'em all… but that's neither here nor there. 

I just hate closed-minded bullshit.  Especially, closed-minded bullshit that is completely incorrect in its premise.  "This is America! Speak English!" Seriously, that's what the guy said. That's what he thinks.  That's the feeling in his heart when he stands amongst strangers, from all backgrounds, in a public place. 

It took everything I had not put him in his fucking place and say, "Listen here, fucker.  This is the UNITED STATES of America! Speak UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN! If you want to speak English go back, to ENGLAND, where you fucking came from!" 

I stopped myself because if I'd said it, it probably would've sounded way less funny than it did in my head… particularly, because the guy didn't have an English accent. 

Yesterday, I stopped in at McDonald's for breakfast. Usually, I do the drive through but I was driving the truck and it doesn't have cup holders. I dunno why.  It's kind of no frills, the truck.  I don't mind so much, I don't usually spend more than twenty minutes in it, at a time.  But that's neither here nor there. 

So, I was in McDonald's. It was slow. There wasn't anybody behind me in line, so I thought about mixing it up and being friendly and such.  I looked at the menu and noticed they now have a Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit (my usual) and a Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle.  I wondered what the difference was, so I asked the girl behind the counter.

"What's the difference between the Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit and the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle?"

"You want the Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit and the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle?" She asked.

"No," I said. "I'm asking, which one's better? The Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit or the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle?"

"The Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit and the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle?"

"Right," I said. "Which one's better?"

"What to drink?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"The Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit and the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle and what to drink?" She asked.

I told her again that I didn't want both.  "Look, if you were gonna choose one, which one would it be? The Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit or the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle?"

She just looked at me and blinked real hard.  Then she looked behind her (I don't know why, the only thing there was the soft serve ice cream machine) and looked at me again.

"The Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit and the Bacon Egg Cheese McGriddle. And to drink?"

"No, I just want… give me the Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit meal," I told her.  I was feeling way less friendly. 

I mean, I understand English isn't her strong suit.  And I sympathize. Maybe she's still learning but until she understands "Either/Or" I'd prefer she was doing the cooking instead of taking my order.  Because I still want to know which one is better and not knowing made me like my Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit a lot less.  Having said that, maybe I just realized McDonald's breakfast food is really not so great. 

I remember sulking while I ate and wondering for a second if Mr. Speak English had stopped at McDonalds that morning.  Smug fucker. 

That's all I have to say about that.