I recently stepped back into the world of dating I guess. I've taken some time away post-divorce to get grounded again so I wasn't in any hurry to do so. Having interacted with several nice women since, I recently stumbled on a compliment made for a blog post. A woman said this gave her hope there were still good men out there. This is the original post, my commentary will follow:
My Love,
I'm writing you this letter because I don't know who you are, if we have met, or if we haven't met. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and miss you with all my heart. I don't know how long I have to wait to be with you but, I know you are worth the wait. I write this so maybe you will appreciate that I do desire you; even now, single and free. I love you even though you are not with me now, you are always in my thoughts and dreams. I look forward to seeing you and sharing our life ambitions. I often think of us sharing a life history of traveling the world, laughing, loving, and raising our family. I write this so you know that my life is stagnite and unfullfilling without you here. Just realize that I have only been building up alot of conversational topics for us to share. I do enjoy the time I have alone but, I know I will appreciate our time even more and will never have the desire to be alone again. I will be strong, I will not lose hope because I know you are out there.
I realize that you might be building resentment in your heart from being maniputated by other men or in relationships that just don't seem to work out no matter how hard you tried. Please dry your tears my love and put a smile on your face, we will see each other soon enough. The reason that this stuff has happened to you is because you haven't gotten to know me yet. I know the key to finding you is knowing how you were raised and how you are passioniate with the people you care about. I'll know you by how you love life even though its has its thunderstorms. I just hope you keep your mindset clear and realize that you can only try to live your life the right way because the rest is out of your control. Don't ponder too hard over the past and don't get too caught up in its distractions. Just remember if you stay too guarded how are you going to be able to tell the difference between me and the others that just want you to satisfy their temporary needs. Just so you know, when you do see me I'll be the one that sweeps you off your feet and genuinely cares about the things you are passionate about in life. I might be the one that you think is too good to be true. Please don't let that scare you off because I know it may seem impossible these days. You should know I am not perfect and I have my faults. The best thing I like about you is that you can out weigh my good qualities over the bad ones. You'll know that I'm the one because I will be upfront with you from the time we first meet. I will never try to deceive you. I'll take all the time in the world for you to realize that my words are the truth and I will always be there for you even in your doubt. Someday you will know that you don't ever need to mistrust me. I will always be there in your time of need, to keep you secure, and protect you. I will want every first experience with you to be special and will make every effort to do so. I know that right now in your life, you may be doing things you may regret, but I'll never judge you for it. I will also ask you to forgive me for the things I have done in my life in order to learn from those mistakes and fully appreciate you. I have no idea what current situation you are in but, I hope that your thinking of me even though you don't know me yet. I pray you are safe and in good health. The only thing I can hope for you now is to surround yourself with people that truly care for you and don't take advantage of your innocence. I just want you to know before you lose hope, that I am still here waiting for you.
Sincerely,
Now here is the kicker, I really believe most men feel this way deep down. Oh sure, they come off with the arrogant, insensitive attitude. They lie, cheat, use women. The problem is, you take a man like the one that posted this, every word of his advice went unheeded by the woman he meets, again and again. He's nice, she loses interest or she thinks he's too good to be true, blows the whole relationship up before it can go anywhere so she can protect herself from being hurt. This happens more than once to the guy, he gets fed up, decides the bad boys have all the fun, becomes one himself. End of story.
Now I'm not going to lay all this blame on women and walk away. Men have their share in this too. See, it was a man who first took each woman, when she was young very likely and completely devastated her heart when he used her selfishly despite the fact that she loved him completely. Two or three times this happens and she thinks all men are dogs. She is scared, guarded, numb and no longer believes in the fairy tale.
Let's back up even further. Who the heck poisoned us all with fairy tales anyway? The most awesome love story I ever saw was my Grandparents who were married for something like 50 years. Did they fight sometimes, you bet. Did they seperate, yep, then my grandfather drove 100 miles to get his girl back. Was it all "happily ever after?" Heck no, they lived through prohibition, the depression, 2 world wars... But one thing I know for certain, my grandmother died Christmas day 1979. My grandfather sat in his car in the driveway for weeks, weeping. He died 90 days later. They had a true connection. The kind I'm holding out for.
OK, so now here we are, 20 something, 30 something, 40 something? We are all reacting to this baggage we've carried around for how ever many years. We keep our guard up, one way or another to stay safe and sabotage every chance at happiness in relationships we can muster. When will 2 people just stop the nonsense and allow each other to love and be loved?
Trust is something you have to give or not. Yep, you're going to get burned sometimes. It sucks, I know. But if you don't trust, you'll never know. What is more tragic, trusting and finding out you shouldn't have or 30+ years of never trusting and proving yourself right every single time?
Just a thought.