 |
Wow, am I in trouble. I've been sitting around waiting for the elusive muse to whisper in my ear before starting in on some bloggage whilst all along Life has been beating me about the head and ears with worthy blog-fodder. I see the Vivacious Vanessa has been quite prolific, keeping her blog smartly up-to-date whilst her hubby hast been blogging elstwhere and I, well, I have been remiss-t. I started a blog concerning the strange sounds heard coming from our neighbor's backyard, but the sounds stopped! I am still not sure what transpired in the yard back there, but I am certain it was of no good to me. I know for a fact that they practice bonsai, you know, midget tree torture. I spoke with the man of the house one afternoon as he was loading one of his victims into the back of their Toyota Tacoma. I did my best to control my horror and revulsion. I couldn't sleep for weeks. In Marin county only lesbians drive Toyota Tacoma's! All this time I thought this individual was of the male persuasion when, in reality, this person was a butt-ugly tree torturing lesbian with a bad toupee'! I pretty much leave everyone to do their "own thing" but those sounds I heard most likely were some sort of arborly anguish and, tolerance for lifestyle aside, I cannot abide that! I reiterate: YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL!!! Keep an eye on your shrubbery. No matter how cordial neighbors might seem they are all up to something. As a former in-law once said "they're like cats and Baptists, you know they're up to something, but you can never catch them at it." I smile and wave to all my neighbors and go to bed by eight o'clock just so they will never be seen on the evening news saying stuff like "he was rather quiet, kept to himself, you know, up late at night..." I send our cat, "The Verminator", (see photos) out to spy on our neighbors. He always comes back with mice and news, and rats and news, and rabbits and news, and a ferret and news, and moles and news, and bats and news. He leaves the various vermine bits by the patio door and comes in to tell me the news. As far as I can tell, they capture him and torture him because all he can tell me is "me ow, me ow." He must have vengence in his feline heart because he keeps going over there and he keeps coming back with the same story "me ow, me ow!" One night he'll get the upper paw, I know it. Then the next morning he'll come home with toupee' bits in his teeth and then, in a week or so, one of the other neighbors will complain of a foul odor emanating from the house, the cops will show up, there will be questions, reporters will swarm, and I'll be on the evening news saying stuff like "they were kinda quiet, kept to themselves... I generally have nothing against lesbians, but I'm pretty sure they practiced midget tree torture, you know, bonsai..."
©2006 John D. Scudder
9:28 PM
Powered by  | | English | | Albanian | | Arabic | | Bulgarian | | Catalan | | Chinese | | Croatian | | Czech | | Danish | | Dutch | | Estonian | | Filipino | | Finnish | | French | | Galician | | German | | Greek | | Hebrew | | Hindi | | Hungarian | | Indonesian | | Italian | | Japanese | | Korean | | Latvian | | Lithuanian | | Maltese | | Norwegian | | Polish | | Portuguese | | Romanian | | Russian | | Serbian | | Slovak | | Slovenian | | Spanish | | Swedish | | Thai | | Turkish | | Ukrainian | | Vietnamese |
|