My usual blog at www.suzanneportnoy.com is being repaired and so I'm back here for a day or two.

Today I'm thinking about vanilla and what it means to be vanilla and whether it's possible to mix vanilla and rocky road.  For those who aren't swingers or fetishists and might not understand the term, vanilla refers to people who have only had monogomous relationships.  Usually it's applied to straight people but I guess there are probably vanilla gay people too.  Sometimes you find a person who has sexually experimented and then come back to vanilla but generally, I think it's fair to say, it's more common to find vanilla people who either remain vanilla or decide to break out of the box and try something new.  I've been both vanilla and not and now I kind of like to mix it up a bit.  Sometimes I just want to have really loving, intimate sex with someone I like and sometimes I want to have a threesome or a gang bang or just go crazy in a grope room.  It's nice to be able to have the choice.

I've always thought the ideal relationship would be one where I had a primary partner who was the one I loved and then a group of other people who floated in and out of my life as friends and lovers.  That isn't to say that the friends and lovers weren't people I liked but they weren't the primary person in my life.  A primary partner is the man that has my heart and my pussy.  I realise this is a difficult concept for vanilla people to understand as I've recently found out.  I think that's because vanilla folk want to put sex up on a pedestal.  Whereas I feel it's about two adults having fun, vanilla folk like to elevate it up there with God and spirituality.  Now I'm not saying that great sex with a primary partner isn't wonderful but sometimes it's just as fantastic to have an anonymous quickie with a sexy stranger who really turns me on.  There are different degrees of wonderfulness.  Neither is better than the other.  They are just different.

The question is: Is it possible for a vanilla person and a non-vanilla person to make it together?  Can one every really understand the other's point of view?  In an ideal world we'd all be able to be honest and open with each other.  Can a relationship work based on one disclosing and the other not disclosing?  Answers on a postcard please.....