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Current mood:  drunk Category: Blogging
So I’ve been a terrible blogger, and I promised myself I’d write at lease one a week—starting now. So if you’re reading this, subscribe to my blog because its about to get a lot more entertaining. That being said, here’s the funniest shit I’ve seen on the news in a while:
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html
That’s right, America. Your beloved ShamWow guy is a hooker-puncher! This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. I knew the guy was probably making a good chunk of change with those commercials, but he’s staying in a hotel that costs $750 per night and dropping $1000 on one hooker? All I can say is… sham-WOW! (sorry, had to do it).
Look at this guy’s mugshot. He looks about 20 years older than he does on TV. What a sad life this poor guy has. He has one gimmick… he can sell really absorbent towels on commercials with a fake headset on his head. Then he comes home, no one likes him, so he blows all his towel money away on ridiculously expensive hotels and hookers. This guy obviously has no sense of what things should cost—if you watch the commercial he says “you’re spending $20 a month on paper towels anyway, you’re throwing your money away.”
Does anyone spend $20 a MONTH on paper towels? What do you live in, a grape juice factory? And he claims that we’re throwing OUR money away, yet he spent $1,750 in one night to get his tongue practically ripped out of his mouth, and beat the shit out of a hooker. Oh and by the way, WHO THE HELL KISSES A HOOKER ON THE MOUTH?? I’ve yet to buy one, but even through movies and shit I know that’s like Rule #1. I have to do a stand-up bit on this story… here are a couple punchlines I can think of, just off the top of my head. Leave a comment if you can think of a better one!
The ShamWow guy was arrested for beating up a hooker, who had bitten his tongue when he tried to kiss her....
....Police aren’t going to charge him, as he cleaned up the scene 20x faster than any other criminal in history.
....Police were baffled to see a clean crime scene, until they rang out a ShanWow and almost 2 liters of blood came out.
....It later came out that her injuries weren’t from being punched, but Shlomi had actually given her a series of brutal “rat tails” with a twisted up ShamWow.
....The hooker claims that when she asked Shlomi about his performance in the bedroom, he responded that she “will be saying ‘Wow!’ everytime.” Ironically, she yelled “Wow!” after every punch delivered by Shlomi.
Got a better one? Post it in a comment!
-Robbie
7:06 AM
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