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Work's for Jerks "Good taste has no doubt deprived me of a great many things." -- David Rabe

Monsieur Champagne



Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Sunday, January 18, 2009 
Hey.  I couldn’t help but hear your end of that cell phone conversation you just had with your mom.  And the reason I couldn’t help but hear it is because I literally couldn’t help but hear it.  I really tried not to hear it, but you wouldn’t let me.  You forced me and everyone else in that place (including the poor guy you were with) to hear you yelling at your mom.  And can I just say something?  I’m on her side.

“Mom!  You don’t have to do that!”
“Mom!  I got it!  Yes!  I received it!”
“Mom!  I never said that!”
“Mom!  Why do you do this all the time?”
“Mom!  I’ve gotta go!  My food is here!”    
“Mom!  I’m thirty years old!  I can pay my own cell bill!”

You mean the bill for the phone that allows you to yell at your mom in public?  That bill?  You better be paying that bill yourself.  Why should your mom pay it?  So she can get yelled at by you?  What a bargain!

I didn’t even hear her end of it and I’m on her side.

What, you just get your first cell phone yesterday?  You’re thirty years old and you just got hip to the whole cell phone craze and have yet to learn some common cell phone etiquette?  If I hung out with you a lot, I’d always have a book with me so that I’d have something to do while you fight the good fight and yell at your mom.

And it’s not even the fact that you were doing it in a restaurant.  That’s actually not what gets me about this.  It’s that: if you take a personal call on a cell phone in public and make absolutely no attempt to lower your voice, then you want to be overheard.  You are basically saying to everyone in that restaurant: “Look at me!  Look at me!  God in heaven, please look at me!”  I mean, you might as well have said to her: “Mom!  I’m losing the other customers’ attention!  Could you please say something outrageous so I can really lose my shit?"

Now I’m starting to think you weren’t talking to anyone.  I bet your mom wasn’t even on the line.


I remain

Champagne
Currently watching:
Barry Lyndon
Release date: 2007-10-23