They might be the best days (rainy ones) only because it gives me a chance to relax, and enjoy myself  without worrying about going out with friends to the beach, tanning, etc. It gives me a feeling of love deep inside, and a definite feeling of warmth. But what is all this when you have nothing? you might say i have something, you might say im a snobby bastard, but i dont mean to be, honest. You might feel im spoiled because i have a new motorcycle, well my friends i hate to break it to you, but i pay for it. All of this glam, and all of this beauty is nothing, nothing at all without companionship, and love (as stated in my earlier blog). I would like to share something with you. Gentlemen especially.

Many men think that it would be way cooler to have a nice car, or a nice house, or lots of money than have a nagging "wife" (girlfriend) in your life, you might also think that it would be better if you had the life of being famous, or a rockstar. I would love that, but i would hate it if i was alone. life isnt enjoyable at all without a companion. to me it seems bland, and repetitive. Everyday i wake up, go to school, go to work, blah blah blah. I dont wake up excited everyday like i used to, i wake up thinking, well, its just another repeat of yesterday. As soon as love entered my life i was a man of joyfullness, and minimal tears. Now, i have not love, nor the reliablility of somebody to talk to about everything that i might fancy. It is a feeling of overwhelming sadness that enthrones me from time to time, but dont get me wrong, i am not a miserable person. I just feel that i might have been too young to deal with a heartbreak, and too young to experience love, yet have it dropped from my sight in a 5 minute conversation. Now, i am, seventeen and a half years of age, one and a half of those years, i became accustomed to feeling an untainted source of love, coming from my dream girl. Once you have accquired something, it becomes hard to live without it, and it is hard for me to press on without that feeling anymore. I dont feel as if i have to have that same love back, but i do feel that another heartbreak is the last thing that i could ever deal with. Once you have come in contact with a love, it is dangerous to the psycological health of one person to lose it. It brings out insanity in some, violence in some, and others sorrow. I sometimes wonder if i will ever experience a love so deep again. Im sure i will, but time passes too slowly when your waiting. Do not taint the word love with sex, and do not taint youself with hookups. This just numbs yourself to the feelings that are inside of you, that you might not have expericed at the time. If i whore around, to feel the sensations of "action", so to speak, i am only experiencing the sensations of the actions i performed, yet if i share this with love, it becomes overwhelming, and almost makes you want to cry tears of joy, and sometimes you do.