as many of you already know, when i get angry at george w bush, i take my frustrations out on a variety of right wing conservative groups. much like a child, i prank call these organizations using the pseudonym Tadd Bartley.

my favorites are the concerned women for america and the american family association (the afa is trying to boycott ford motor company for hiring queers.)

this is my rationale: if youre going to try to ruin my country, the least i can do is ruin your day.

so when south dakota outlawed abortion, i felt it was appropriate to make some phone calls. over the next week or so, i made probably twenty or thirty to these organizations and a handful of others. to the point where they actually began to learn my voice.

one day, after five phone calls within three hours:

"Thank you for calling the American Family Association, this is Annette, how can I direct your call?"

"Yes Annette, I have a question."

"Is this Tadd?"

but the absolute best call took place earlier today. i called the concerned women for america tomake a donation. please trust the following did actually occur.

Stacy: Thank you for calling Concerned Women for America.

Tadd: Yes, I would like to make a donation.

Stacy: Okay, I can help you with that.

[Stacy pauses to bring up the screen on her computer]

What is your name?

Tadd: Tadd Bartley

Stacy: Address?

Tadd: 339 S Main Street, Ann Arbor, MI 48104

Stacy: Credit card number?

Tadd: 5497 2586 3146 8457

Stacy: And how much would you like to give, Mr Bartley?

[Pause]

Tadd: One hundred

[Pause]

million dollars.

Stacy: Does your credit line reach one hundred million dollars?

Tadd: Well, on that card, yes.

Stacy: Wow. [Pause] I think that's the most we've ever gotten.

Tadd: Probably is.

Stacy: We'll you've made my day, Mr Bartley! Thank you.

and she fucking hung up.

part of me was disappointed she didnt run the card on the machine while i was still on the phone. but i guess its okay that it was more of a ticking timebomb of a trainwreck. i wonder, however, at what point she figured out that i wasnt going to be giving them one hundred million dollars. perhaps when:

1. she realized that no one in their right mind would ever give such an amount to their organization.

2. she couldnt understand why the machine wasnt letting the transaction go through. she asked her boss for assistance and was fired on the spot.

3. she realized most hundred million dollar donations arent done over the phone with receptionists.

4. she was informed that she is the dumbest human being to ever live later that day by Tadd Bartley.