If you're a parent like me, you know what it's like: "stop that", "get down", "hands off", "not in the house", "that's your brother's toy", "get that out of your mouth" - OY! The blessings of children, my friends! The blessings of being a parent. Yet being a parent has many benefits, one of which is that it bestows a special kind of wisdom… a wisdom that allows you to understand the logic of a child, and resolve many of the conflicts and squabbles children get themselves into. For example, should two children wish to play with the same toy, and begin squabbling about "who had it first", the parental logic applied is "If you can't share the toy and play nicely together, neither of you will have it." This generally results in a peaceful conflict resolution, with both children putting their differing opinions aside for the good of themselves & the situation at large. Or if one child is pestering another physically, the rule of "keep-your-hands-to-yourself" is applied. Or if one child is teasing another, the "if-you-cant-say-something-nice-don't-say-anything" rule is applied. If any of these rules are violated, the offending child is subject to punishment of some sort, like a Time-Out, removal of valued items/privileges, a spanking, or any combination thereof.

So let's just shift gears for a second towards conflicts on a global scale. Just take a moment right now, and see if you can understand where I'm going with this. After reading all the major news feeds, it's become very clear that the world is full of "children"… it's like the leaders of these nations are f***ing toddlers in a playpen! The world's conflicts obviously cannot be solved by "united organizations", politicians, or militant influence. What the world needs a good parent. So what I have done is compiled a short list of parental statements that apply to the world at large:

• "CHINA… that land belongs to Tibet. Leave it alone."
• "BRITIAN… Ireland had the Northern Ulster region first. Give it back to them, because it's theirs."
• "PALESTINE, ISRAEL, EGYPT, and GAZA… all of you keep your hands to yourself."
• "RUSSIA… if you can't say something nice about Chechnya, don't say anything at all."
• "SAUDI ARABIA and SUDAN… your Baggara tribes and government-backed military play too rough and are not allowed to come over to Darfur's house anymore."
• "NORTH KOREA… you're being too loud, and you need to settle down. It's quiet time."
• "UNITED STATES, IRAQ, IRAN, SAUDI ARABIA, and KUWAIT… if you can't share the oil, I'll take it way and then none of you will have it!"
• "UNITED STATES… you can't just go play in anyone's yard without asking them first. And if they don't want you over there, you need to just come home without arguing, and stay in your own yard."
• "CATHOLICS… I'm very proud of you for apologizing to the Knight's Templars. Now you need to apologize to the Pagans, the Protestants, the Jews, the Muslims, the Altar Boys, and everyone else you hurt & made fun of.

This is just the beginning of the list. If you're a parent and have any ideas on statements to add to this list, please feel free to send me a message. I'd like to see this list grow.