The other night I had a dream that my friends out here hated me. They only pretended to like me because I was convenient to have around, but really I just annoyed them. I know Carley, Scott, Candi and Mike don't hate me. But sometimes I do feel like a third wheel here. That anxiety just bled in to a dream that turned in to a nightmare. I woke up sobbing and crying. One of my very worst fears is that no one actually loves me and needs me around. I know I felt like that in California. It seemed like some people only wanted me to come around when I had a job and a car and could do for them. The only real person I had in California, in hindsight, is Brianne I believe. I feel shitty for not keeping in better contact.

Anyway, all that plus not having been in California for 8 months, and living here for 13 months, has created a huge pit of homesickness in me. I miss my mom, dad, stepdad, and exstepparents. I miss my brother and stepsiblings. All my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I miss all my good and fake friends that I grew up with.

I just wanted to let you guys all know that. I miss you and I love you. I don't have all your numbers anymore, so please, message me with them. My number is 805-975-3746 and I have AT&T. I'd love to get calls and texts from everyone. I dunno, I'm just feeling lonely away from the familiarity of my sunny, warm, beautiful California.