Family

                To have family is to have an understanding of the most influential relationship.  Yet, what is family?  Family just means, relationship.  So, family can be blood related, marriage, friendship, it is the relationship that creates, in the connection between one and another, the idea of family.  Some have intimate and full relationships, some have painful relationships, full of misunderstanding.  Either way, everyone has family, if one is to realize this fact.  Even if one is a hermit it is impossible to deny the rest of the world's existence.  There still exists, trees, clouds, mountains, dirt, oceans, rivers, animals, insects, birds, and millions and millions of people, whom, whether or not we accepted and honor their existence and presence, are still inhabiting the earth.  There is no way out of relationship.  Even to deny all that which exists, there is still a deep and vast family within, to be discovered.  Relationships can be very far, and they can be very near—within the self—in which any relationship should begin.  So, family, is simply relationship, of any kind.

                The closest family is the family within.  Not only do we embody our genetic code, human beings also embody all of the elements that exist within all of nature.  Our natural state is to be in harmony with all that exists—this is our true family.  But, to first recognize the existence of your own individual embodiment and to know it's making—to analyze,  to meditate, to discover the inner valleys of the inner relationship is the only way to begin to understand the external.  Of course, this all sounds very simple, and it is in actuality very complex.  Sometimes conflict arises in family because the two within the conflict impose themselves on each other, when in actuality they have not discovered or analyzed their own behavior within the context of their inner relationship.  It is easy to wish a family member to be a different person, to embody traits that cause for a smooth and caring interaction.  However it is much more difficult to see the person for exactly as they are, and to understand how to care for them.  What ensues during  conflict between family members is based on the individual's perception, and perception can itself create the conflict.  Perception is an ideal based on experience, and knowledge.  Experience is the memory of past action, and knowledge becomes the standard of belief that was created by the experience.  Most human beings base their entire perception on the past.  One of the most difficult practices of meditation is to see life with fresh eyes.  This is to experience life through God's eyes.  God lives not in the past or the future—God is not of time—renouncing the need for time is to live in the present moment, to see life with fresh eyes.  When one is walking one thinks not of the last step made or the step to come, simply absorbing in the essence of the single step—observing the quality of each step as its own fresh entity within the expanse of the eternal entity. 

                Relationships that are full of care and understanding are understood like walking and existing, fully, in the present moment.  This all begins with the self.  It has been said time and time again, that one cannot take care of anyone else unless one takes care of one's self first.  These are all simple, true statements, and so very difficult to make a constant practice.  Often times to come back to one's self and to take care of one's self creates a lot of pain and suffering.  This is the inner relationship.  To deny the inner suffering is to deny the family within you.  The suffering needs as much love and care as the joy and happiness—arguably the suffering needs ten times the care of love and joy.  Love and joy exist in themselves, only. 

Much like it is painful for some to look within, it is equally painful for some to come home.  Looking within, is coming home.  To look within is to care for and cultivate the self, to come home is to care and cultivate the family.  How can you love the family if you are not there? 

                After establishing direct contact to the family within, the next step is immediate—it is the person closets to you.  This could be your mother, father, wife, friend, and so on.  Whether or not the person is of blood in relation, the person closest to you, is your immediate family.  We have established that within family there is always relationship, whether it be painful and hurtful, or full of care and love.  Most of the conflict and pain that arises within any relationship is steeped in judgment.   Like perception, judgment is a product of the past.  To be in a true relationship with another is the only way to realize what humanity truly is—it is the most wonderful thing in life.  One cannot cultivate a true relationship with another without the capacity to serve the other's needs.  True relationships are about service.  Not the service of chores.  Cleaning is not the essence of relationship.  Yet, cleaning because the person in which you share a relationship with needs a clean space to feel happy and have relief, is a service from the heart, thus creating a relationship full of the fragrance of love.  A conflict of relationship occurs when the other has not the capacity to witness and appreciate the act of loving service.  So, true relationships contain the capacity to listen and observe with loving eyes, and to give the service of the heart.  Judgment and false perception can destroy these beautiful and noble attributes of true relationship, and it is easy to fall into a pattern of judgment.  Judgment often times creates:  pride, anger, confusion, pain, disinterest, and so on.  These negative emotions are not the essence of relationship.  The moment the distance is created in a relationship by negative attributes, the connection is immediately severed.  The relationship of memories, lost time, pain, confusion are still present in the heart of those disconnected from family, yet because of pride the relationship of love and understanding is vacant.  Sometimes it is not pride.  Sometimes the hurt caused from another is so great one will wish never to see the other again, and sometimes this can be for the best interest of the one which is being hurt. 

                This is the moment that forgiveness becomes so important in relationship.  One can forgive another and still never see the other with one's own eyes ever again.  When forgiveness is given, it re-establishes love and understanding in the heart, and further, creates the capacity to again live in the present moment.  Too often, our relationships are solely based in the past.  The ability to forgive allows for progression and cultivation of love in every relationship.  True family—true relationship exists where there is forgiveness.  Forgiveness is, always, given with loving speech.  If one tells another, "I forgive you," and there is still a since of anger or hesitation, it is not true forgiveness, and most likely, more problems will manifest.  Forgiveness is the greatest form of giving.  Forgiveness does not mean one person is right and the other is wrong.  Forgiveness is understanding.  Forgiveness is acceptance—accepting one for who they are in all completeness.  Forgiveness is not a wish that the other with become a different person, and being forgiven is not to change into one to be desired.  Being forgiven is an opportunity to learn the best possible way in which to take care of the other persons in the relationship.  So, forgiveness, and being forgiven are, in the truest essence, understanding. 

                To build and cultivate a loving relationship within the family is to show love to the world.  How can we reach family that is far away or distant from ourselves?  How can you have relationship with those not near to you?  If it be so, that we are all living and sharing this world together, then it be so that we are all connected.  The earth has its own perfect and amazingly dynamic ecosystem.  This ecosystem churns and thrives perfectly out of its own accord, and human beings are part of this system.  Our true nature is to be one family as a whole—working together to generate a perfect and loving world.  So, if we are all connected, then it is easy to see that giving love and building relationship with the person closest to you is to give that same love to all creation.  To love and care for one mother, is to care for all mothers on earth.  This is true because of the energy that passes between the two souls that are sharing true love.  In a relationship full of true love, care, and understanding there are so many healing vibrations.  Imagine the shift of energy between two brothers that grew up in constant quarrel that have finally come to resolution, and can love and respect each other.  This shift of energy is the very essence of peace.  When two beings can live peacefully within relationship the energy is greatly healing, and when two beings that once hated each other, now find love and understanding, acceptance and forgiveness, the amount of peace that is created pervades and heals the entire universe.  So, to love on friend is to love all the potential friends one has yet to meat. 

                The more one creates the capacity to have true relationship, the further love will spread to all beings—the more one will realize all beings are part of one's family.  The very instant one has the realization and understanding of true relationship between another, is the instant one will begin to see all living beings as part of this world family.  Not only will people one passes on the street be considered as family, but also the birds, the grass, the trees, the sky, the water in the ocean—all the embodiments that create this universe will be considered one's most intimate family.  In essence, to realize this fact within the self and to start with the self, knowingly or unknowingly, one has already begun to understand and to cultivate this principle. 

When one sees all living beings as one's own family, the only emotions that will arise are the need to give love and service to the family—to protect and care for the family—to feed and nourish the family—to hold the family close to one's heart, and make sure that one's family is completely aware and present in the love that one is creating.  To give love to one's family is to hold the entire world in this delicate way.  This understanding is most influential.  As family members we influence each other's actions and behaviors.  What an amazing opportunity for us to generate and influence loving behavior.  This activity begins with the self, extends to the immediate surroundings, and without first realizing, pervades the entire world around.  This is to create a true family of loving relationship all around one's self, and is the true essence of what it means to be human—to share in this world as if everything is a part of the same loving family—this is our true nature. 

Peace and Love to you, my loving family, I am yours

Jai Maa!

Tyagaraja