Ok....


I've been married to the same woman for going on 6 years....we've been together for 7......and the one thing that I've learned is the way you see life, love, and relationship sometimes changes frequently...the most difficult thing about a relationship that I've learned from my parents is trying to communicate at a level where niether party will become upset or angered at the opinion being discussed....The communication is all about being able to find that middle ground where both you and your significant other can agree to be...I've learned from my parent(s) [I'm the product of a single mom for the most part until she remarried] is that love and relationships coupled with sheer determination, understanding, and sympathy are the ones that last....not only that, but I'm a strong believer in "love conquers all"...I'll be quite honest, when things were lookin down financially, and I was stressin on how I was going to be able to do things for my wife and child....it was the love of my wife that got me thru that time.......I've never met someone that totally changed my whoe LLR perspective, but I've met people that have helped me make tweaks to it until I knew what it was that I wanted. That in itself came with trial and error, and the growth in my self-awareness that allowed me to see the things that I wanted and the things that I didn't want....which goes back to..."You typically don't see anything you aren't looking for."

Even with the media running rampant with all of the things that potentially end and destroy relationships, it is the basis of every person to seek and find that connection. That emotional and meta-physical bond that makes them feel more than what they are. It is of no consequence that people tend to not find that bond which causes them to go and look for it in a negative fashion, but for the most part...people are still looking for someone to love, and someone to love them in return. I think the thing that holds it together begins at the most instinctive form of positive emotion that occurs with two people and that is love....


Hope this helped...




Pce Fam...



-X
 

Well put. That definitely provides light on the subject. Thanks for your reply.
 

Because of the part of marriage/relationships I was exposed to by my parents, I never wanted to get married. In fact, the thought of it, up until recently, terrified me.

My parents were high school sweet hearts, got married, had four kids, and 20+ years later, got divorced. My older sister had just gone off to college, therefore my mother was left to raise and teenager and 2 small kids on her own. From what I've heard from my older siblings, my father just decided he didnt want to do it anymore. areyoufuckingkiddingme. After high school sweethearts and 20 years of marriage, you just....dont wanna do it anymore? Dont want the responsibility anymore? And that's what has terrified me. People change. There's nothing you nor I can do to prevent it. And what about the How Stella Got Her Groove Back story? I don't know all the details but from what I understand, they were married for several years until he came outta the closet!! What do you do then? The man you loved, married, sacrificed for is gay. Perfect example. I am not about to sacrifice my life just to be hurt and humiliated like that after so long. I've been through hurtful and difficult break ups, but I can't even imagine having to go through that kind of heartache after so long AND expect to take care of children. Fuck that. I'm not getting married. There's no point. Marriage was only a business deal between fathers not that long ago anyway, and even still is today is some countries. Love had nothing to do with it. We made that shit up.

About eight years ago or so I met a guy, his name was William. He was a friend of a guy I was dating at the time and entirely too much older than me to even take a second look, but he intrigued me. Since then we've been acquaintances..until last summer. We ran into each other, we were both single and much older, started talking and that's the end of that. We've been together since and are expecting our first baby girl this August. :-D!!!

William's parents have been married 50+ years, so his exposure to marriage is entirely different than mine, which I not only appreciate, I needed. Seeing how they are together and how William is with me has profoundedly changed the way I view marriage and what it's all about. He doesn't make me feel like the most beautiful woman alive, he makes me feel like I'm the ONLY woman alive, everyday. Yes, there's still that chance of change, but it's about changing together and keeping open communication, which is something every couple struggles with from time to time. But no matter what it is we're upset about or mad at, in the end we love each other. Period. And nothing is worth losing that. Not the fact that he didn't tell me I look beautiful today or the fact that I waited to last minute to do something, or the fact that I snapped at him when he was just trying to help me, or the fact that he didnt make the bed that day, or the fact that I'm just in a bad mood and vise versa. Now I don't expect it to a walk in the park or anything. But I now see it as something not only attainable, but enjoyable . Whereas before it was something I wanted absolutely no part of. We're also best friends and I do believe that has something to do with it. We can just hang out together with no tv or radio or anything else and talk and laugh about nothing. He believes in me sometimes more than I believe in myself and pushes me to be and do better. There's NOTHING he wouldnt do for me and NOTHING I wouldnt do for him. He tells me he was lost and wasn't himself before we got together and now I make him feel young again. "Thank you for breathing life into my soul" he wrote on a note coupled with flowers he gave me for no reason. I never get tired of being around him, ever. I know he loves me with every ounce of his soul. I feel it everyday and want to feel it everyday for the rest of my life :-D
 

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad that you are happy and that you we able to get reacquainted with William. It seems as though the old adage holds true. Opposites attract. This time in nothing more than views of life, love and relationships. I think that adage works because it gives you something to learn from that person, and in living and learning with someone you have the opportunity to see into their soul. A chance to see the world through their eyes and if you like what you see... THE JUICE IS WORTH THE SQUEEZE. Congrats on the baby as well. I hope to see you all soon.

-C
 

Blame It All On Hip Hop!
 

Can you or will you answer your own questions???
 

i second that!
 

Ok... I'm a produst of a single mom and to be honest I think marriage/ monogamy are human constructs created by religion in order to keep us in check. I know this is a radical viewpoint but if you think about making a commitment to someone for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE when there are billions of people in the world, the concept does seem a little ridiculous. I'm not saying that marriages can't work ( my grandparents have been married 50+ years) I just know that it is not for me. All of us are in a perpetual state of change and Sara Aguilar was right on when she said its all about "changing together" but, don't you limit what and who you can experience when you make a life long commitment to someone? I think it is human nature to be intrigued by, attracted to, interested in, or take aback by someone and to say that you can turn off all of those feelings because you have a spouse is, in my opinion, an injustice to the universe. If all you need is love and love makes the world go 'round then why oh why would we try to shut out potential or even true love from billions of people in the world once we have proclaimed our love for someone else, that makes it seem as though there is only an alloted amount of love within all of us. But I disagree i think the world is full of love and individuals are too, I think there is an unlimited source and a infinite supply of this sacred emotion, and I also think it comes in a multitude of forms (romantic, platonic, nurturing, protective, etc...). My view on marriage is this: If I love someone and I want to be with them then I will, no piece of paper, religious ceremony, or reception will make our love grow or our bond strengthen and I also know that everything is always changing so if we are meant to be together then we will, if not then one must learn, grow and MOVE ON! I don't think you can find your happiness in anyone else, I think our happiness (fulfillment, life's joy) is in our hands, and when you expect someone else to "fill" you or make you happy I think that is a surefire recipe for failure, bitterness, and disappointment. 

No, I have not met someone that has changed my viewpoints in one swwep but I do have many people in my life that have shown me the power of love, the many faces of love, the benefits of love and the benefits of love. My theory on love: NEVER ignore the feeling, know that there is NO LIMIT, and recognize all the forms of love around you... because it really is everywhere!


 

Okay I have to wk and finish up but Daymmmmme this is good shit. lmfao.
No No... seriously.
But Monogamy can be Sham definately.

Can't demand it with a Label, but through ones actions.
Like they say "Actions speak louder than words".
It should just happen.. a person is or isn't going to think your the BEST THEY'VE EVER HAD.
Feeling's unfortuantely have to be equal or else lol. which can take a decade ... or not.
All in all when it's meant to be it will be with out any struggle argue or doubt.
Like they say.... Love is patient. Love is Kind.

My parents RELATIONSHIP is fucking awesome.

I guess that's why I haven't been married yet.
But I don't want their entire relationship.
Things my parents could do different. That I don't agree on.
To each their own, all in all.... it works for them.
And they are both who they are and except it.
It's about excepting a person for what they are, what they want, ... and where they want to go.

I have met someone that has helped me change the way I see life.
If I'm with that person I'm with that person but if I'm not.... Oh fucking well.
They are happy and so am I :)

I guess, timing, age, success, appreciation, up bringing... respect..trust.. has to ALL fall into place.

Through the years I have learned alot about myself and others.
I think if someone can't be happy alone, they sure as hell can't make you happy :)

Finding a mate.... and keeping a mate.
I think first you won't find... you will have common intrests and enjoy the same things.
Together... and apart...
Secondly.. keeping a mate , you'll have to trust them - Live your own lives - follow your dreams together - and apart.
Never compare them to any one you have met in the past. They are a whole new person.
And...........
Not RUSHING.  A BIG No No.
See peeps get excited when they meet someone that is all of the above... but
through time they unfold into this person they didn't think them to be.

Your partner will want you to smile with or with out them.
In another girls Vagina or not. Or you'd want them getting the best Lay ever because you love them. lol

They would leave that up for you to decide On your OWN. Sure people can give advise, tell you things you are better off not knowing but the past is the past... it's about the future - who they are now and glad they are there .

No matter what it will boil down to that one question.
Do you really love them? If not it's just Lust.

And The SUBJECT CAUGHT ME...
Yes , I do get it from my mother.

Enjoy!