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Current mood:  confused
Hey okay for the last 4 years i was not the child your parents would want you around. Like i smoke, drank, did things i regret, got in trouble with the law and my family, but hey it was what made me, well me. And last summer without my own understanding i decided to turn over a new leaf and just start fresh. I became well, a good kid. I stopped smoking after 4 years. Stopped drinking, lieing to my parents, and well every thing about me almost. I thought with this change id be filling that void that i think every human being has. And for awhile i was happy, but in the process i think i lost one of the best friends i ever had. I let my self and others blame her for my old self, and now i miss not only her but me. I dont feel like paige any more. I feel like some goody goody lieing to herself, I dont always Know who or what i am or what im doing. Am I lieing to my self? is this feeling normal. i look at my past with total regret of leaving it. i miss my old life. But is it worth getting back? will i be in the same rut im in now or will i realize how stupid i was for leaving the closest ive ever been to happiness. i dont know. i want to party and be crazy, and be with the person i had trusted most, but i dont want to lose the closest ive ever had to love and my parents trust over some wreckless descision. what can i do? Is there an answer or will i be in denial and confusion for the rest of my younger years? I dont want to waste my life on not knowing what to do.
1:17 AM
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