Don't get me wrong.  Fashion itself is nothing I wish scrutinize.  What I'm interested in here is the psychology of fashion, similar to how archaeologists and anthropologists may study the adornments of a civilization to better understand its people and their history.

It is my conclusion that kitsch, irony, and anything similar is officially out of style today and forever for any person in any given occasion.  Some people - for instance, hipsters - operate on the idea that something can be so awful that it's cool, so ugly it's beautiful, widely evidenced by the self-congratulatory application of bad mustaches and sideburns and ill-matched gaudy colors, and the exoticized appropriation of an-other's culture; e.g. Gwen Stefani.  Make no mistake. She's hot enough that I'd throw back a shot of sweat wrung from her post-concert wife beater... but really, come on, the Japanese pop Asia-philia is bad enough but anyone remember when she was a Mod Hindi Chola?  Eh, what?

Threads and the ironic getup:  A fashion don't.

After their long absence, sincerity and a refreshing sense of vulnerability are making a strong comeback just in time for the second decade of this new millennium.  In this awakening, butt is butt, and fly is fly.  So if you catch me wearing some tasteless t-shirt, you can take comfort in the fact that I am not pulling your leg,  not visually assaulting you with my sarcasm, nor projecting the lofty hip-speak of some ultimately insignificant subculture.  I will be dressed as such because I actually like the design, even at the risk of a wardrobe no-no.

The question "What were you thinking when you put that on?" will bear new importance in this fast approaching era of virtue and frankness.  This will be a period of time devoid of all popular forms of irony, a movement that will permeate multiple levels of society.  Look for example at the condescending smirk of W, the kind of facial tic that says "Duh, I don't know how to answer your question but maybe I can grin my way out of this corner."  As a human race, we're way over it.

Politics and the ironic smile: A fashion don't.

Next, electing pop icons into office, habitual smoking, binge drinking, drunk driving, McDonald's, cocaine, gangsta-frontin', starving artistry, paying outrageous credit card interest, shoes that hurt, good sex in bad relationships, the Jerry Springer show...

Guilty pleasures and the ironic 'why not?':  Another big fat fashion don't.

Get it?  Mean what you say.  Say what you mean.  Sincerity in.  Irony out.  Let's review.


Sincere mullet = cool


Ironic mullet = weak


Sincere tee = cool


Ironic tee = weak


Sincere parrot = cool


Ironic parrot = weak


Sincere finish = cool


Ironic finish = weak


I know.  It's a thin line. But I have faith that you understand.  At the end of the day, intent and straightforwardness.