First, let me make this perfectly clear, this is an apology to my friends, not "God," because far as he/she/it goes we are still on bad terms.
"Dear God, Fuck you this hurts." Yeah I said it, and I’m not taking it back, just removing the blog it came from. I giggle thinking about God sitting down and signing into myspace, seeing my blog, and thinking, "Oh, no he didn’t." Well, God, I did. And you know what? Apparently I’m in the goods with his son (don’t believe me? A Scissors (me) is in his top 22- http://www.myspace.com/jesus2012campaign .)
Still angry? Think about this, the christian faith regulary asks you to consider the concept of God working in mysterious ways, or disguising himself as a hungry vagrant (who apparently has dirty stinky feet and wants you to wash them,) testing your beliefs and faith with "well, you never know when God is going to show up, unexpected and univited, but you damn well better have supper ready." So....going along with this idea, what if I’m God? What if God is some jaded and vehement myspacer asshole named Brian? Hard for you to believe? (watch yourself on that one, apparently the fucker is watching.) Oh, and did you ever think of how frighteningly close God is in comparison to a wife beater, or child abuser? Because, no matter what pain, anguish, suffering, strife, difficulties, disease, destruction, vile and dispicable acts of unfairness, levels of unquestionable starvation, poverty, abuse, molestation, rape, murder, child deformations, mental retardation, physical anamolies, female castration, sick and twisted acts of oppression, war, terror, kidnappings, human trafficking, alcoholism, drug addiction, beauty myths, eating disorders, evil and heartless presidential office holders, scammers, schemers, torture, plague, rivers running with blood, locust swarms, falling skies, complete and total annihaltion, fear, depression, suicide, homophobic beatings, rich fuckers in SUVs cutting you off, hurricanes, floods, fire, volcanic erruptions, earthquakes, psychotic truckers killing Amish school children, children killing other children, parents drowning their kids in their own fucking cars and blaming it on a black man, racism, sexism, agism, and all other forms of terrible terrible shit is a FUCKING TEST OF YOUR FAITH GOD PUTS YOU THROUGH, HE DOES IT BECAUSE HE "LOVES YOU!" sounds like an abusive relationship to me. So, no thanks God. Take your tithings and buy yourself a bus ticket out of my life. And before you go, don’t forget to angrily type me an angry comment or two, because I know you listen to everyone’s prayers and most certainly must read my blogs.
So, to my friends and the people i truly truly love and care about, i’m sorry if you misunderstood what i wanted to say, but it wasn’t adressed to you, is was adressed to him. But, if any of you can point me in the right direction to God’s page or email, I’ll make sure to send my gripes directly to it (unless he uses AOL, then it will probably just go to his spam folder.)
Love always,
Brian Michael Gabriel (<<--Hey, its my confirmation name!) Cunningham.
Ps. I want my brother back you son of a bitch.