First day back to school after Christmas. I just wanted to go back on holiday! Ireland was hardly the warmest place, but it was great fun, and we had a hugge Christmas dinner.
  "Hey! Paige!" A voice called after me. It was Ella, my best friend ever. She came running over and hugged me. "Ooh, youve got a little podgy over the holidays. You must have eaten a lot!" It's true, I had. Forget seconds, I'd had thirds! Possibly even fourth! I was still slim though, wasn't I?
  "Ella!" I hugged her back. "What did you get for Christmas?"..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

"Well, I got a Wii, a new laptop and a really expensive bottle of perfume! And all the usual little things, you know? Jewellery, toys, clothes. How about you?" A little voice inside me sighed. Why did she have to be so rich?

"Oh, you know, makeup, games, a game console." Meaning, makeup from body care, a second hand game and an original PlayStation. Still, I was happy with those.

"Cool," Ella grinned. "Ooh, registration! Come on Paige!" She dragged me through the yard full of bustling people, towards our form room. We were the first ones in.

"Ooh, new room layout! Lets get a good seat" She grabbed a chair at the back and sat down. I grinned and sat next to her. We were talking about her holidays. She talked about how she went to Mexico, and lay on the beach eating some weird food for Christmas dinner. And how there was this really fit boy beside the hotel pool, and how he asked her to go out, but she said no, because her heart was promised to a boy back home, Tom. She was obsessed with Tom. He's quite good looking, I guess. Tall, dark brown, almost black, hair. As she showed me her photos, mostly of her parents in funny sombrero's and her little brother pulling funny faces, some of the charvs came in.

"Oi, Pat, I want that seat." Paige. My freaking name is Paige. Not Pat. It was Chardonnay. What a dumb name. Matches an even dumber person.

"Sorry, I was here first." I said.

"I said, MOVE!" She pulled me up and threw me on the floor. Ella stood up before she could suffer the same fate. Chardonnay had made my life hell for the past three and a half years. She picked me out in year 7, and continued through the years. First, it was just mean remarks. Then she started emailing me anonymously, though I knew it was her. Then came the silent phone calls, and the threats. She's a right cow. I reluctantly moved to a seat nearer the front. Ella gave me a pained look. She hated sitting at the front, but I was desperate to get as far away from Chardonnay as possible! From the corner of my eye, she glanced around. Some more people had come in. Some charvs, and a few other people. Then Ethan walked in. I smiled. I like Ethan. I don't fancy him or anything, he's just funny. He grinned back and sat near me. His best mate was Tom, so when Tom sat down next to him, Ella ran to me and sat next to me, winking and flirting with Tom. I rolled my eyes, laughing. Everyone knew Ella liked him. Even, unfortunately, Tom's girlfriend, Clair, who entered shortly afterwards. She smiled and walked over to Ella.

"You, Ella Mandridge, should keep your looks and flirting to yourself. Stay away from my boyfriend!" She whispered in her ear. I could barely here it. She walked towards Tom and gave him a long kiss, as if to mark her territory. She then sat beside him, cutting him off from Ella. Ella scowled and looked forwards.

Mrs Barnes came in shortly afterwards.

"Calm down children! I know you've been on holiday, but you're back to school, and its time to work now." She said. Everyone eventually went quiet.

As we walked  to our first lesson, there was an uneasy silence. Ella was staring and scowling at Clair, and I was still subdued from being thrown around. My leg hurt a lot. I probably had a bruise.

The first two lessons went slowly. I spent the time daydreaming, wishing I was on holiday again. I walked around, as if in a dream, until third lesson.

Science. Don't you hate it? Not only is it incredibly boring, but its horrid too. We had to WEIGH ourselves, for gods sake. In front of everyone, too. I'm tall and slim, so I didn't have a problem with it. I thought I would be pretty much the same as everyone else.

 "Paige, you're up!" Mr Reed called over. I walked to the scales. Brittany, a girl who is self obsessed, peered over my shoulders.

"9 and a half stone, and you're, what, 5'3?" I nodded. " That means your BMI is..." He stabbed the numbers in the computer. "24. Not bad."

As I turned around, I bumped into Brittany. After making sure Mr Reed was out of earshot, she said,

"9 and a half stone? God, you have let yourself go." As she brushed passed her, I couldn't help thinking "bitch".

"Ok, Brit. Lets get you weighed." Mr Reed said, smiling. "You're... 6 stone. BMI... 15. You're slightly underweight, Brit. Try eating a few more burgers." He laughed. She smiled and flounced off.

I stood, my stomach churning. 6 stone? Im 3 stone heavier than her. We had to right down everyone's weights, heights and BMI's in our books.  Looking up the list, at people I was the same height of, I was so heavy.  At the end of the lesson, I left slowly. My mind was swimming. I knew I ate a lot, but I thought because I was slim, I was fine.

Ella was waiting outside for me. I was in the top set. She was near the bottom. She wasn't smart, but she was very funny.

"Hey Smiler," I said, forcing a smile. She gave me a funny look. Uh oh, I recognise that look. She knows something is wrong. Any second now she'll interrogate me. I waited. Nothing. She just said,

"Come on, we'll need to get out now or else we'll get stuck behind all the year sevens at Blingo's." She said, pulling me along. I was glad, though. Got me out of a possibly awkward situation. Ella is tiny. Just over 5 foot. She's really light too. I can lift her, and I am really weak!

As we walked through the snow filled streets, pulling our scarves over our mouths, we laughed and joked about, well, everything. It was so good to talk to her properly. I hadn't seen her since Registration. We got to Blingo's before all the kiddlywinks, thank god. You can be waiting for ages if you get stuck behind them. I walked up the the service station.

"Uhm, Ill have a triple bur-," I stopped. How many calories are in that? A thousand? "A cheese salad please." I smiled at the attendant. Ella gave me 'the look' again.

"Cheese salad?" She whispered. "Thats not like you!" She walked to the bar herself.

"Cheese burger please. Extra cheese." She smiled.

"Chips?" The man behind the counter said. "Yes please. Oh, and can I have some Tomato Sauce." We went and got a table next to the window, and I watched, jealously, as she scoffed chips and a burger. I looked at my salad, and took a mouthful. It tasted like soap. But it was healthy. And I needed to be healthy. Ella caught me staring.
"Are you hungry? You should have got something more. Here, have a chip." I was tempted, but no. I couldn't.

"No thanks." I smiled. Turns out the salad made me sick, and I had to miss the afternoon of school. I spent the whole afternoon looking through my food, and looking at fat and calories, on the packets. I didn't realise how much shite I was eating! Everything I looked at repulsed me. It was gross. Full of crap. Making my unhealthy. Fat. Ill. I got so sick that I had to just go to bed, and my dog, Barney, sat on my head. His big, sad eyes watched me the whole time.

"Oh Barney. Dont look at me like this. I have to do this." He just whimpered.

When my mum made tea, Chicken pie, oozing with I said I was still ill, and didn't eat it. If I skip a few meals, maybe Ill lose weight. 3 stone. I want to be 6 stone, like Brittany.

I heard a car pull up outside. My dad was home. I glanced at my mum. She looked back, worriedly. He was later. He had probably been drinking. We both new what he was like when he had been drinking.

The keys were fumbling in the door. I rolled my eyes. The door was already open. Then he tried to climb in through a closed window. The usual drunk antics. Next, the lights were flicked on and off. Then he stumbled through the door. I went to help him.

"Hey, Paigey. Whoops! Almost fell there. Youre my little angel aren't you." He laughed. As we went to the kitchen, my mum stood timidly beside the back door. I looked at her and nodded. She always kept the door slightly open, and the back gate easy to open, so she could escape if he got violent. He had gotten violent so often before.

"Whats this?" He growled, looking at the vegetables.

"Uhm, its chicken pie dear." She mumbled, nervously.

"You know I hate chicken, you bitch. Get me some real food, NOW!" He shouted. I felt so bad. She'd spent so long on the pie, making it herself from scratch. And no one ate it. My stomach growled, as I saw her take the pie to the bin, and dropped it in gently.

"Im going to get an Indian. Will that do?" She said.

"Yeah, go on. Hurry up, Im hungry. What are you looking at, you cow," he said to me. I was stunned. He'd never insulted me before. "Get to bed. Go on." He looked at me, scowling. I thought it would be better to go.

As I lay in bed, I heard shouting downstairs. My mum had brought back some food, and the smell wafted up to my room. My stomach growled really loudly, and I tried to curl up and get rid of my stomach pain. As I tried to shut out these thoughts, I heard a glass smash, and the gate outside creak open. Tears slid from my face onto the pillow.

After about an hour, everything was silent. I decided I would try and go downstairs, to make sure everything was alright. Dad was asleep on the sofa, with a bottle of beer in his hand. I crept past into the kitchen. Ooh, that smell was heavenly. A full Indian dinner was still packed up in bags. My mum wasn't back yet. I wasn't worried. She had often escaped for the entire night. I envied her. I had nowhere to go. I went to the fridge and got a drink of water. I sat at the table and turned the small portable television on, and sat, sipping my water. The smell of curry was infecting my nostrils. I couldn't help but take a peek at the food that was being so cruel to my poor, empty stomach. It looked so nice. Covered in sauce. There was a fork beside it. I couldn't help myself. I shoved a huge forkful into my mouth. It was still warm. The packaging must have preserved the heat. I couldn't stop myself. I just kept shovelling it into my mouth. Forkful after forkful. It was so good. I ate the entire meal for three. When I was finished I just looked at the empty packing, blissfully. Then it hit me. A MEAL FOR THREE? What was I thinking?? How many calories must that be. 1000? 2000? 3000 calories? I felt sick. How could I do that to myself. The smell of the curry was still hanging around, and made me nauseous. I ran to the sink and threw up. I threw up a lot. But it made me feel good. All the food would be gone. I hadn't digested it properly. I was ok. Some sick got caught in my hair. I looked at the clock. 9 30 pm. Still enough time to wash my hair.

I crept past the sofa, where my dad was still asleep, snoring. As I turned to creep up the stairs, I heard a loud bang. I stopped, dead, and turned around slowly.

The beer bottle my dad had been holding had fallen out of his hand. I stood, motionless, holding my breath for a few seconds, before I heard the snoring again. I sighed with relief and went upstairs again.

No cream or foam to shave with either. Urgh, Ill have to just use soap! I started to shave, slowly. I wasn't used to razors.

I felt something! I looked down and saw a stream of blood running from a gash in my leg. Damn razor. But it was weird. It wasn't in pain.. It was.. odd. I quickly washed the wound and wrapped a bandage around it, before heading to bed.

That night I didn't sleep well. I tossed and turned, and everytime I fell asleep, I had nightmares.

"You're FAT, Paige. FAT." Ella was in front of me. "Im ashamed of you. Hanging around with a huge lump like you, well, its not doing me any good." Her face was twisted in anger. Hate.

I woke, sweating, practically crying. What if she felt like that? What if she thought I was fat, and holding her back. I looked around my room. I saw some scissors.

No. I wont. I have to have some self control. Otherwise more things like last night will happen. And Ill be even fatter. I sighed and fell asleep.

A few hours later, my alarm went off. It pierced through my head. Light was streaming through my window. Morning. No more nightmares. Relief washed over me, like light cutting through darkness. I got up, and splashed my face. I hadn't eaten properly since yesterday morning. I hadly ate any of my salad, and I purged my Indian.

My stomach growled. As if telling me something I already knew.

"Stop it!" I slapped it. I just kept slapping it. But then I stopped, dead. I was going mad. I took a deep breath and went to get dressed.

My stomach hurt. Not just because of the slapping incident, but the hunger was clawing at my insides, like a desperate dog trying to pull itself out of a hole.

"Honey, hurry up. You'll be late for school!" Pah. School. Who needs it? I know all I need to. I can get a job. A sales assistant or something. I could live without school. "Paige! Hurry up!" Ah well. At least mum was back.