I love your Haiku!

Japanese Haiku;
I try and fail miserably to keep things succinct
and to tell a story that would make you think,
with all the laws and rules intact.
I have very little discipline...I am in fact.
Circumlocutal!!

I've tried to teach myself traditional Japanese Haiku...but my own style and ignorance takes over. ( Not as outrageously as the above, I might add.) This is the attempt I am most happy with....

listen to the ice;
ancient stories murmuring
prehistoric blues

I would appreciate any constructive criticism, if you have the time or inclination to check out my blog.
Thanks.
Soo :)