"SOMETHING'S WRONG," said Billy "I feel like I've LOST DIRECTION."

"That's because you're trying to walk into a wall mate," laughed Rick.

"Oh right. Good thing I have you looking after me. I'm a LUCKY GUY."

"You know I'm always hear to CATCH YOU WHEN YOU FALL."

"Hey! Who wants some LILAC WINE?" shouted John.

"I think you lot have had enough already," said the bartender.

"Just POUR MY WINE SANTA CLAUS" John barked.

"Just because I have a bit of a gut and a white beard does not make me SANTA CLAUS BOY." said the bartender angrily.

"I'M SORRY," said John. "I should watch my mouth or I'll GET MYSELF ARRESTED."

The boys sat down with their drinks and did some SOUL SWIMMING.

"So do you think there's really a BALL OF EARTH out there somewhere?" asked BJ.

"There'd better be," said John slurring slightly. "It's ALL I EVER WANTED, to hold A BALL OF EARTH IN MY ARMS."

You're so munted you don't make sense. It's like you're repeating the SAME RECORD. Well I've upgraded to the RADIO for more variety."

"Well BASICALLY I'M HUNGRY" said John "Can't blame me for not making sense when I have more FRIENDS AND LOVERS than you'd know what to do with."

"I can't believe THIS IS HAPPENING," muttered Rick "SPRING HITS THE CITY and I'm stuck in a dodgy pub with you lot. Makes me want to kick something."

"KICK THE DOOR," suggested Billy. He thought about what Rick had said for a moment. "Hey, wait. I take that as an insult."

"Caught on have you," laughed Rick.

"Real intellectuals you lot," sneered the bartender as he cleared their glasses.

Rick looked at the coasters on the table. "TWO HEARTS?" he said "What kind os a name is that for a bar."

"Better than the one we just came from," said BJ "That was called THIS LOVE."

"I think you should RIP IT UP," said Billy pointing at the coaster

"That's it!" shouted the bartender "Out! Now!"
"Fine, we're going," John shouted back. "This place sucks anyway."
"Let's go back to HAMMER TO FALL" said BJ. "At least they had better music, not these BROKEN SONGS playing here."
They all got up and staggered across the room. Billy opened the door to find a group of surly looking bikers glaring at them.
"These the ones causing trouble?" asked the biggest and meanest looking one.
They advanced menacingly when the bartender nodded.
"Crap! Run! THIS IS NOT AN EXIT!" shouted Rick.

   Well I love a good challenge, this was fun…

THE BEECAKE BOYS WALK INTO A BAR in Detroit after a huge sell out gig.  Sitting at a table John began to ponder “Is there really A BALL OF EARTH out there?”   “I have no idea” laughed Billy “BASICALLY IM HUNGRY and I want to order!”  “Basically I’m starving and dying of thirst” BJ said waving over a waitress.   After giving her their order, Rick asked the waitress why there was no music playing.  She told them that I’M SORRY, SOMETHINGS WRONG with the juke box, it keeps playing BROKEN SONGS and the RADIO hasn’t worked in years. 

As Billy poured himself a glass of the delicious LILAC WINE the waitress brought them, Rick said “Hey Bills, could you please POUR MY WINE too?”  “Sure” Billy said and poured Rick a glass. “You know, I have an idea, this is a great place, but it really needs music.  I hope we wont be breaking some ordinance and I GET MYSELF ARRESTED, but I think we should play a few songs!” 

The guys quickly set up their equipment and began playing “FRIENDS AND LOVERS”  The waitress was overcome with emotion and said “I cant believe THIS IS HAPPENING!”  and started to faint!  Billy was able to rush over and catch her. Don’t worry you are safe IN MY ARMS, I’ll always CATCH YOU WHEN YOU FALL!   “Oh thank you so much!  You guys are so wonderful!  I just feel so lucky!”  she gushed!  “Oh no,” Billy said, “I’m THE LUCKY GUY!”

And while they were playing “SOUL SWIMMING” they heard someone KICK THE DOOR down and watched as a dozen Detroit police officers filled the tiny bar. 

“You BOYs have a license to play in this bar?” One of the officers asked Billy.  “Umm… no”  Billy said.  “We just wanted to give this great place some music.”

“Well, well well.  You boys sound like maybe you LOST DIRECTION, you don’t sound like you’re from around these parts.”

“No sir,” John said, “we’re from Scotland.”   

“When the judge hears about this and he lets HAMMER TO FALL, you wont be seeing see Glasgow again until SPRING HITS THE CITY.  I’m gonna take your passports and RIP IT UP and lock you boys away and throw away the key.“

“Wait, we are of TWO HEARTS here, we all have THIS LOVE of music, cant we come to some kind of  agreement here?”  The look on the officers face gave Beecake their answer. 

“RUN”  BJ yelled!  They boys all ran for the door and as they all they all went through the door,   Wait.... THIS IS NOT AN EXIT shouted Rick, it’s the bathroom!!

The Beecake guys walked into the bar, and notice in the corner there’s a whole table of Friends & Lover’s. “Oh Boy” Says Billy, “I knew I shouldn’t have Drunk text the contents of my black book!”

The Boys laugh and Billy says “I’m Sorry, I think Something’s Wrong with me!”

“I had a bit too much Lilac Wine during rehearsals & got my black book out! Don’t worry I’ll Rip It Up & it will never happen again”.

All is forgiven and the boys sit down & get comfortable….”Oooh” says John, “I think I need a Jimmy riddle, BJ will you Pour My Wine while I go to the loo please?”

BJ obliges by pouring a glass for everyone, “It’s much too boring in here don’t you think?” BJ asks, “Im sure this is Radio Saga they have on here?” Everyone laughs except Billy who is engrossed in trying to shred his black book, and looks kind of like he’s trying to rip a yellow pages apart!!!

Meanwhile John has Lost Direction on his way back from the loo and tripped on a Ball of Earth. Luckily Rick was meandering past on his way to the Juke box. “What the Kashaker happened there?” Squealed John as he went arse over tit! “Don’t worry Super Rick is here to Catch You When You Fall!” Rick exclaimed all super-hero like! “You landed safely In My Arms”. “Thanks Mate” says John as Billy & BJ bound over like excited puppies to laugh at John’s predicament.

“Oh looook” Says Billy to BJ “How Sweet” as they clock that John & Rick are still entwined in each others arms. Both Billy & BJ make Two Hearts in the air with their fingers. “Young Love”.

Rick Swiftly drops John Like a hot potato & changes the subject. “Right lads let’s get some music on this Jukebox”. John gets up rubbing his bum & they all crowd round the jukebox. “No we’re no havin’ thaaaat” screetches Billy “That’s a Rubbishhhhh song”. So they continue to scroll and scroll and scroll………..

“Right this is Pants, there’s nothin’ on here but Broken Songs” Says BJ. “STOP RIGHT THERE” Screams Rick….”The Carpenter’s Mr Postman! That’s the one” So they deposit their money and start making a random selection of tunes.

After a couple of minutes they realise their song choices are not playing…..”What’s going on?” Asks Billy “Why’s it No playin’?”. “I think it’s goosed” says John… ”Well it’s eaten my money” says Rick. “Maybe it’s just stuck?” Suggests BJ “I have an idea” says Billy in a mischievous tone. “Maybe this will work, what If I Kick the Door? Maybe that’ll un-stick it?”

“It’s worth a try” cry the boys in unison & Billy proceeds to kick it. “Ooooya!” He whimpers holding his toes and just at that the alarm on the machine starts to sound.

“wooooooo woooooooo wooooooo woooooo” It blares!! The boys try to look innocent as two burly bouncers head straight for them…..”Run for it” Shouts John.. ”Ah canny I think I’ve broke ma toe” Sobs Billy….”Right Backie” shouts BJ & Scoops Billy up into a carry-code. The boys dodge the bouncers and run to what they think is the back door closely following Rick. Rick shouted “This is Not An Exit” as they appear on the stage of the Blue Banana in the back of the bar.

“Perhaps this wasn’t the best time to rehearse in fancy dress” says Billy with regret As the follow spot catches them on stage as a cop, an Indian, a sailor & a cowboy……

Heehee!...That's great too Jen!...I love the BJ out of his tree!.... thing!...lol....xXXx...

our change of travel plans gave me an extra day at home this week...I still wish I'd had more time...but this is what my imagination did with your assignment...

As the Beecake guys entered the bar, they quickly noticed that SOMETHING'S WRONG with some of their FRIENDS AND LOVERS who were gathered there to do some SOUL SWIMMING.  The bartender was DRUNK and shouting, “I’m gonna GET MYSELF ARRESTED!”

The Beecake boys knew he was one LUCKY GUY who had merely LOST DIRECTION when he served a bad batch of LILAC WINE.  “No worries mate,” BJ comforted the now sobbing barkeep who kept repeating, “I’M SORRY” over and over. 

“We’ll CATCH YOU WHEN YOU FALL,” John reassuringly told their old friend.

“Don’t POUR MY WINE yet,” said Billy as he went about cleaning up the mess, quietly telling himself, “I can’t believe THIS IS HAPPENING.” 

The boys helped everyone through the worst of it and became known as heroes in their village.  A reporter for A BALL OF EARTH Post was granted an exclusive interview with the lads and their unique friend/bartender.

“ALL I EVER WANTED was to be on the SAME RECORD with these talented men,” explained the barkeep.  I was trying to impress them all with my “HAMMER TO FALL” special mix of music and drink.  I didn’t realize that the wine was bad.  BASICALLY I’M HUNGRY to hold a music award IN MY ARMS and was trying to share my talent with everyone.”

“We were happy to have been able to convince the policeman that the best thing to do with the citation he was preparing for the barman was to RIP IT UP, since it was clearly an innocent mistake,” John proudly shared.

Beecake had some sage advice for their barkeeping friend.  “When SPRING HITS THE CITY, no one will remember the BROKEN SONGS you played on the RADIO.  They will remember THIS LOVE you have for music and the BOY who lived and loved as if he had TWO HEARTS. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue to KICK THE DOOR of success until it opens for you.”

“Never give up mate!” advised the well-loved lads

 “Remember, we will be cheering for you.  THIS IS NOT AN EXIT,” shouted Rick!

Jimmy riddle, carry-code. I'm goosed is the pretty much me saying something's stuffed lol.

hehe I love the ending...makes me remember going to a party with my friends last year dressed as the village people