Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to live up to everyones expectations when it's the expectations I try so hard to reach that drags me down the most.  Why must i always set myself up for excitement and the future if that future just keeps getting shot down more and more.  Either I'm not good enough or I don't fit the part.. Oh here's another one.. I will EVENTUALLY give up and fall flat on my face.  Why do i let these judgements get in my way all the time.  Why do i let the ones that i care about most end up hurting me the most.  I need to know that what I hear is not just some lie to keep me happy.  That MY world is not just some illusion waiting to be uncovered.  The world is such a cruel world.  Why must everyone destroy someones reputation just by a few little words.  What ever hapened to accepting people for who they are, not who they try to be.  The enemy has become my best friend lately just so i can please others and I'm tired of having to live that life.  I'm tired of having to go on everyday wondering when or even if my goals and needs will ever be met.  I'm starting to give up and it's the one thing I am truly scared of.  What if I never get to take those few extra steps forward that will make me happy.  Will I always be in this circle of torture that keeps bringing me down?  Will I ever know if the choices i make are really the choices from the heart, or just what everone else expects?  I try to live as if today was my last.  But even if it was my last... I still wouldn't have what my heart urns for every morning when i wake up.  It will always have to be this way.. cause i know that it was always just a story.. If not, it would of already come true!  Lifes too short, stop making the same mistakes over and over again.. Follow your heart, give it a chance and do what you know is best.. If not for others than do it for yourself!!!!!