If there’s one thing my new job has taught me- it is the therapeutic value of chasing people with a chainsaw.

It has been a great 3 weeks of chills and thrills at the Seattle House of Horrors in Totem Lake’s Halloween Express.
Scaring the holy Hell out of folks often makes my day.

Each week the scare responses ratchet up another notch.

Screamers- I get screamers. Laughers, too.

The jumpers are funny. Like a dancer coming on point, it’s almost as if they levitate a good 2-3 feet in the air propelled by the power of their own screams.

The people who baffle me are the ones who just stop shock still, cowering and screaming until their friends have to drag them clear of my saw.

Likewise the people who just fall over.

Admittedly, the amount of fog and smoke in The Butcher Shop can mess with folk’s depth perception, especially when a 6’+ maniac is bearing down on you and your friends bellowing things like: “You’re my little piggy NOW!!!”

And what is up with the sisters who wanna be all up my grill with their Beyoncé /Lady Ga-Ga BS?

Bee-yatches, please.

I’ve had grown men collapse and curl up in the fetal position, made teenage boys scream like little girls. People have run out of their shoes trying to get away from me, drop their cell phones (I know!), and, in one poor fellows case, lost his teeth! Apparently he spat out his partial in his mad flight from a grizzly demise.

But it’s not all the cries and screams of the crowds; a lot of the time is spent just lurking about, making sure my saw is properly fueled, getting my groove on to the Throbbing Gristle soundtrack that rocks the house, veiling the chop-shop in its foggy aire of menace.

Feeling that tension build as the terrified yelps and cries draw nearer, until finally….

…YOU’RE MINE!!!!!