so.... yeah.
I just want to let you all know a few things... because well. I'm a cunt like that and this avoids all awkward conversation with a general blanket blog. you'll know if I talking directly about you.... but if you have an issue wit what I'm going to say either say it to me or write a general emo blog about it... because we're on myspace and thats what it's for.

First things first. In my sense of humor there is no line. If I am comfortable enough to make the joke around you it means one of two things... either I trust you enough that you will find the disturbing humor in it and that I know your not a pedophile, mother fucker, racist, baptist, white man ergo, the you in the joke is much more existential than the you thats being offended. The second reason I'm telling a joke far beyond any standard of human decency is that I hate you and want you to leave. I find telling these jokes often separates friends from people I'm going to have to pretend to like. Most of you are not the latter, so lighten up.

secondly. I realize that everyone who tells me I'm so awesome cuz I'm some sort of super single mom is complimenting me. So I am thankful. I do need to note that I do not see myself that way and if, by no fault of the people of the people telling me it, I hear it more than once every few months it tend to get frustrated with the whole idea. I mean I broke my toe falling over my two year old who was running into a crowded hallway at a sci fi con where I maxed out my credit card because No one will hire me in the real world. so I will go home sit in my parents basement and plot ways of making money on the road. I also have given up allot of things and people who are/where very dear to me because I am a single mom. so no I may appear to be some free spirited wild stalon of a super single mom. but perceptions are deceiving.

Thirdly (and lastly), I turn to the one thing I write most about in this blog (which is why so few read it) my sex life. For those of you who haven't noticed (or asked, I love people who just ask they are rock stars!) i am not working on getting laid right now. In fact I've passed up a few offer that normally I would have gladly taken.  Why? well It all goes back to a time log ago, when I was young and beautiful....

I decided that My life was too focused on sex. (and I had one hell of a sex life up to that point!) What ti came down to was, it no longer was any more important than making dinner. I was frustrated and bitchy so I left the fair I was at and pledged that I would not have sex for at least two shows. I made it through one show with only one relapse into my sinful ways and then moved on to CO. where I met raven. Fast forward approx three years (warp speed!) and I left raven. I was so focused on fucking something other than him for the first few months (see back blogs) that I really didn't give myself time to heal. this lead to a few (fun) mishaps and adventures, the last of which was that I was falling into the same trap that got me their in the first place, focusing my life on sexual adventures. SO unbeknown to most of my friends... I have been under a one year vow of celibacy (save for that one time at that one party....errr) and while it can sometimes suck, I have grown a lot and I really feel that once it is done I will have healed a lot too.

*(for those of you who didn't bother to read that last paragraph, once I was a slut, now I'm not)* So, I'm dealing with a lot of ...erm.. energy, right now. And yes It has been a awhile. Yes I'm a cold bitch. And no, I'm not turning you down because I'm not interested. I'm turning you down because I want friends not fuckbuddies. (And yes, I'll be available in mid-September).

I love you all (because you read my blog) and thank you for reading this, I really needed to put these things out there.

OK. any questions?