Without the numbing escape of drugs, I stood face to face reality. To say that I had allowed my problems to pile up, was an understatement. I had a knack for creating numerous legal problems. This is where I found out about fear. I was told that fear was simply being afraid of not doing the next right thing. Whatever the situation might be, if I did my part, God had the outcome. However, running away would only make things worse. I had to suck it up and face the wreckage of my past.

Having written a bunch of hot checks during a spree, I went in front of countless store managers, court clerks, and judges admitting my wrong and asking how it could be corrected. Every time I was asked to wait, my heart would drop into my stomach. I just knew that I would be arrested.... But, that didn't happen. In fact, one clerk nearly fell out of her chair when I told her that I wrote all of the checks on a drug binge. She was shocked because in her career, she had never had anyone admit their wrong in a theft by check case.

Walking through all of that made me stronger. I had discovered what humility and fearlessness really meant. I had started to rely upon God rather than my own will. I was given a prayer that I continue to say today, even when I can not figure out what it is that I'm afraid of:

God, remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be.