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Current mood:  crushed Category: Pets and Animals
I've been dreaming of Axl lately. Last week in my sleep, he was alive and well and living at my grandma's house. Or maybe it was my aunt's house. It's hard to tell, sometimes, in dreams.
We went to visit and there he was. I walked up to him and said that it was time for him to come home. He came home. We still had Leela in this dream. I was very relieved that I finally got my big boy back. Life was good.
When I woke up I just felt sick. And depressed. And very lonely. My Leela was right there next to me and she licked all the tears away. It helped a little.
Last night I dreamed that I still lived at my old house, on Melville Drive. Axl and Leela were out in the yard. With them was a pug, apparently also my dog. I have never had a pug in real life. In fact, when I lived at that house we had Max, a husky/collie mix who looked like a whiskey coloured wolf. He was a great dog, big and fluffy and sweet tempered. He loved to play with old pylons and half deflated basketballs. He suffered a lot with the pain of hip dysplasia and eventually at the age of 10, a month after Cassie was born, he was put out of his misery. I think I've only known my dad to cry three times and this was one of them.
Anyways, Max was not in my dream.
Nothing much actually happened. I was just wandering around the yard amongst the dogs.
It really sucked to have to wake up.
I thought I was doing a lot better. I can talk about him without any visible tears. I can remember the funny stories that involved him and actually laugh. I can compare him with Leela and not feel like she has replaced him.
But when I wake up from these dreams I just want to crawl into a hole and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, I can never get back to the dream to continue it. And it will never, ever come true.
I will never see him again. And that hurts. Still.
12:18 PM
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