Remember that life on earth is a board game of extreme proportions.
Remember that you are constantly aging and that sometimes you deal with consequences after youve already learned the lesson.
I cant promise you that you wont ever feel miniscule or meaningless because i dont believe that we as humans arent those things.
But i do believe that it is in our simplicity that we realize our 'destiny'-
to love unconditionally,
to care for all the things weve been blessed with,
to forgive,
to teach,
to learn,
to eat
and drink
and breathe
and die.
And to be never-endingly positive.
NEVER TIRE OF DOING GOOD.
The sicker i get, the more i consider the decisions ive made. I wish i would have learned my lesson a month earlier, but i didn't. instead of focusing on what i should have/could have done, i am choosing to take what i've been given to move on from this point. i was aware of the consequences when i acted, and now i have to deal. that is a promise i made myself a year ago and it is a promise i will not break.
a car is placed between two men so that either man can only see one side of the car. one side has been painted white, and the other black, and the two men are asked what color the car is. one man says, "white", one man says, "black".
which man is wrong?
all women are born with diamonds inside their veins. some women are taught what their diamonds are worth, others learn on the market. it wasn't long ago that i found how much my diamonds were worth. it was even sooner that i found what they're worth now. and it was just a few days ago that i found what i want to invest them on. a man who has been my favor the majority of this year, but until knowing the value of my gems, had been missshelved. he is the man that changed my entire view of relationships. he brought morals back to my wants and threw insecurity away. what he has to offer is worth far more than i should actually be able to afford, but he doesn't feel his patronage is even worth my diamonds. that is a balance i hadn't ever experienced.
we were together in april.
apart from july to september.
and now we are hear, stuck between holding and leaving because blood believes we are unequally yolked and i am unable to come forward just yet.
but since we have been seeing eachother again, i have changed how i always viewed love and sex, i quit smoking cigarettes, i quit drinking caffeine, and my outlook on life has broadened and my control over myself has increased tenfold.
even if he leaves and i am left to search again, he has been the most positive influence on my life and i owe him everything i have to offer.
that isn't to brag or say i am set for life,
but as an apology for those who hoped for my heart in the near future-
there are people i can share the world with emotionally
and people i will share the world with physically.
sometimes, they are one in the same.
but when they're not,
know that there is something just as great if not greater somewhere else.
when it comes to the man i am choosing to invest my time in now, i am willing to go to whatever distance to be with him, but if he decides he wants something else, i have no choice but to back down and let life take him somewhere else. and i will be happy for the chance, thankful for the memories, and excited for a new start.
it is not something i generally want to think about, but it is something that i have to to maintain from going overboard because i'm lovedrunk.
there is no perfect person.
just because i know everything to say to make you feel a certain way
doesn't mean i'm all i'm cracked up to be.
please.
i am the most imperfect person i know.
luke, i happened to meet you on the most beautiful day of the year in wisconsin.
october sixteenth.
when autumn is warm enough to drive with the windows down
but chilly enough to wear a sweater.
when the colors are most vibrant-
hues of red, yellow, and green.
when the animals are out and the grass is still green
and the sky's always sepia and grey,
bowing to the majesty of the beautiful mother earth.
luke, you make fall alive for me.