I know. I know.  I'm an indie musician.  Been singing since I was 8 and playing guitar since I was 13.  I've survived thousands of talent shows, theatrical performances, television and film roles, coffee houses and bar gigs.  I even got a BA in theater because of my first love - Performing.

Ten years ago I worked the LA music scene -- probably with most of YOU!  I loved it ... and hated it.  I loved writing, singing and playing live.  I loved the social aspect of the open mic scene.  I hated begging people to come see me play.  I hated being broke all the time without the funds to produce product for the many who wanted CDs.

I quit. Cold turkey.

I never really admited that before now.  But I guess I really did give up on that scene after five or six years of activity.

In the past four or five years, I've done a live show about once a year it seems.  Tonight is one of the annuals.  I was asked back to The Cat Club (thanks Ian).  I'm grateful for the invite.  I'm excited to be part of that liveliness again.  But I'm still not good about promoting my own stuff.  Not in the way I promote others.

Hell, yesterday someone on YouTube told me that he bought a six-pack of Smart Water because in one of my videos I said I love Smart Water.  I don't get a kick-back from Smart Water.  Just how smart does it make me?

So I'm here, in my living room, remembering exactly why I named my new CD "LivingRoom Superstar."  If I were to ever go on tour (hah) I would want to set the stage as a living room.  Light candles.  Keep the lighting smooth and warm.  Talk to everyone in the crowd.  And play the way I do at home.

I did that a few times in LA.  The Cat Club isn't quite living room atmosphere.  It's nice.  Vibey.  Small-ish.  But it's a club. A bar.  Loud with Sunset Blvd traffic and happy barflies.

I have such mixed emotions about my music today.  I'd love to play with a band - the way the CD is produced.  But I've said it before, I'm just a band of one.  I'm an acoustic artist...singing songs that helped me heal and grow.

I'm kinda over that.

I know.  Not good for business.

I just hope I can remember to get on stage tonight and feel my living room.  That's when it's not as much about the performance as it is about the sharing.  I love that.  I imagine it'll be close to that, with the two people I know who said they'll be there for me.  I don't imagine I'll be asked back any time soon.  I should just hold concerts in my living room.  I mean with actual people there.  Not just the Live From The Living Room Series I've started in YouTube.

Either way.  Doesn't help me in my pre-playing anxiety right now.  Headache. Sore throat. I'm trying to fake myself into believing I'm just going to a bar for drinks.  But in the back of my mind I know the stage looms in the distance.

Just keeping it real.