My brother Alex was on VA disability. He had chronic diarrhea, and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He was thin as a rail and wheelchair bound at 37. Anything he ate typically went through him within the hour. He was in the VA hospital in Cheyenne, WY and they had him under close supervision and he was on at the time new a new type of insulin, and even under their supervision, they couldn't get his numbers in check. Anyway, I was planning a trip back here in August of 2002 for the Gencon Game Fair at the Midwest Express Center since it was going to be the last one in Milwaukee before they moved it to Indianapolis. I can't read a map to save my life, and he and his ex –wife had driven from Colorado Springs to WI a few times. I navigate using landmarks. He decided to check himself out of the VA against doctor's advice and we took the road trip from hell. I'm no big guy and I had to help him get out of the car into his chair and had to clean him for accidents. We figure he knew he was on the way out, and our other brother here has three kids, and maybe Alex saw it as the last chance he would have to get to see the nieces. He was not exactly the best at controlling his diabetes, and he was throwing up a lot on the trip, a clear sign of very high blood sugar. I couldn't be with him every minute so I don't know if he was taking his shots, either. He ended up having to go to Froederdt while we were in Milwaukee, and on our way back to CO, we stopped in Steven's Point, and in the middle of the night he told me to call the ambulance because if he didn't go to the hospital, he said our mom would kill him. So the next day was the day we were supposed to start heading back to CO. I stopped into the hospital to see him and bring him his stuff he needed, and then he told me to get on the road. I felt uneasy leaving and had to get the directions to get to I-80 from my mom. I called her a couple times a day to give updates. Evidently the hospital called her to tell her things looked bad. I called my mom and got their machine and told me to meet them in York, NE. And I tried calling the hospital to see if there was a message there. They gave me a number, and her and my step dad had just checked out about half an hour before, so I didn't know how to get a hold of them., which just added to my stress on top of not knowing Alex's condition. So I kept heading home. Come to find out later they stayed about a mile down the road from me. So I get home Sunday afternoon, and my told me to just stay at home now. So I go back to work on Tuesday, and called the hospital for an update, and they told me he had passed that morning. I talked to my mom later and she said she didn't tell me right away as to not stress me out even more at work. The official cause of death was complications due to pneumonia. At least he got to see the nieces as we went to my brother's house while we were back as it was one of their birthday parties.

I think Alex's big concern about what he said about mom was the fact that our brother Tony drowned himself in 1987. He was missing for a few days and his car was found parked by Lake Michigan in Sheboygan. They found suicide notes in the car. The story I got was that he liked a girl he went to Tech school with, but she didn't like him. So I guess he went to her house to ask her out, and her brother came out with a double-barreled shotgun and she told Tony to go jump in the lake. It must be stated that he and my uncle on my mom's side liked to dip rags in paint thinner and huff them through paper bags, so I think that may have messed with his mind some.

I hate people. I really do. I'll tell you why. One day after my brother's body was finally found, this guy comes up to me at school and tells me his buddy snagged him fishing. Who the fuck says something like that? And Tony's ex-grirlfriend asked my mom if there was going to be a dinner, as if that was a determining factor on whether she was coming to the funeral. The fuck is with people?!  

And my dad died in early December of 1994 of a heart arrhythmia at 52. Him and my step mom were going to go out that night and she went downstairs to iron some clothes, and she said she was talking to him from the basement and then he got quiet., She went upstairs about 10 minutes later and found him sprawled out in the recliner. He wasn't really overweight and only drank a few beers on occasion at family gatherings, so it's not like he was out of shape.

So far things don't look good for out family. 3/6 dead. All four kids have diabetes (I was the only one to get it as a kid at age 3. The three brothers got it later on. Alex and Tony found out the same night when they both drank too much at Alex's wedding reception and ended up in the bathroom hurling. Bryon (The one with the kids) found out about 8 years ago, and then like 5 years ago my mom found out she has it. I'm not looking forward to a long life, as we look like pretty bad stock.

I also have a summer cold that I haven't been able to shake for these past few days, and come winter, once shit starts going around, more often than not I'm one of the first ones to get it. I don't get flu shots, as they hurt like hell, and I've read listings of what goes in them. Scare tactics or no, some of that stuff does not belong in a person's body.

Plus my diabetes seems to be fucking with my junk. I seem to have ED. It's the whole "The spirirt is there, but the bodie's not willing" issue, so that would make getting a gf even harder for me. I really need to get on my doctor about getting me a referral to see a eurologist to see if there's something that can be done about it.