I am quite annoyed at the moment (what's new, I hear you ask), as Stuart informed me that his Spanish teacher has just given back his exercise book after several weeks of making him believe that he had lost it. He was given an after school detention before last half term for having six strikes on his uniform card. One of these strikes was for forgetting his Spanish exercise book.

I phoned the school this morning and the teacher who organizes the detentions phoned me back just now. She was of the opinion that, because he had had nine strikes in all on his card last half term, this one was immaterial. I was obviously quite goaded by this, and told her that Stu probably wouldn't have got the other three strikes if he hadn't been disheartened by getting a detention, and thought that nothing mattered any more (hah!). I then reeled off all the other beefs that I have with the school, some many years old and festering. She has said that she will get Stu's head of year to phone me back. And a lot of good that will do.

I made the mistake of letting the word 'bloody' slip out during one of my sentences (oooh naughty!) and she asked me not to swear at her! I love being put down by teachers at the age of forty-six! I did kindly inform her that I was not swearing AT her, merely swearing in her presence. She offered to get Stuart's Spanish teacher to 'speak' to him - not apologize, you will note! I, of course demanded an apology. What I actually want is to get that hour back for Stuart, but I'm not sure how it could be done.

I'm sure you will be eager to hear some of my other grievances against the Plume School? You won't? Too bad!

My main ongoing annoyance is that they expect you to phone in on the morning that a child is ill. I have explained many times that my kids don't play truant, and that if they are off school it is because they are ill (or pretending to be, but I don't say that). I tell them that they should treat the children as individuals, and know the ones who are likely to be playing truant. They never agree with me and spout some crap about it being for my own good, so that I know if my child has not arrived at school. That's all very fine (if bollocks), but I then inform them that on more than one occasion when my kids have been late, the school has phoned me and scared me by saying that my child is not at school, then not phoned me back when they are subsequently found to be there. Very caring, I must say!

Another major irritation is all the bogus unauthorized absences that Rosie's teacher has given her. This has never been looked into and remains on her record. So, when I requested a term time holiday last October (in good time for the first time in my life!) and they refused to authorize it and we still went, I was pretty miffed that all three kids had the week marked as unauthorized absences. With the apparent rise of truancy, you'd think that the school would be more mindful of its statistics! Some of the people who asked for that week off were given permission. What better reasons could they have had than, "We've already paid for it", "We're going with friends" and "We didn't know about the stupid new rule when we applied and you didn't reply to the request till a few days before we were due to go on holiday, which is about five weeks after we applied!"?

Other issues that I have with the school (in brief) are: over zealous uniform police (especially Mr Hill); too much homework; rude and disrespectful teachers; changing of the school start time to eight-thirty (possibly illegal); changing lunchtime from twelve to one o'clock (thus making the kids wait an extra hour and a half for their grub!); being too busy clamping down on poxy uniforms to properly address bullying.

And that's only what annoys me about my kids' secondary school, don't get me started on All Saints! I'm just relieved that Ben is the last one there, and that he leaves in July. I bet you are, too, or the next blog might have been twice as long!