This is really more for me to write down what's going on and less for you to give a shit or for me to give a shit if you give a shit, so go ahead and just don't even give a shit, let's skip over all the shit-giving, because no one gives a shit.

That being said, if you read all of that and still felt compelled to give a shit, here's what's going on with me right now.

For the first time in my life, I was working someplace I thought was a positive environment for me to spend time in, until I realized I was doing the work of a grunt for the salary of a chum-scrubber and I was so stressed out about where I was headed after said job, down the road, that I started to really resent the place, and myself, and then it happened. I FREAKED OUT... again. I didn't expect to have another breakdown after ConRev, but I guess I wasn't really solving the problem, just treating the symptoms. So I quit, again. Sometime before my quitting I managed to discover a program that was everything I was looking for: a chance to work hard, be outdoors and away from my parents' house, and really focus on fixing myself, because I am so close to being irreparably damaged, that if I don't act fast I will kill myself. It's a sad truth, and I don't want anyone to worry, but it's the reality of the situation and it's good for me to express the consequences of my indifference toward life. So amidst all of this self-realization, I got sick... really fucking sick. I've been sick for almost an entire month with some sort of bacterial infection head cold that's been going around and I don't wish it upon anyone. It involves ear, nose, and chest congestion, boatloads of phlegm, and an annoying perma-cottonmouth. I haven't smoked much weed or cigarettes lately, which is good I suppose, but also makes me on edge and snappy. I have literally been under quarantine and left my house maybe a handful of times. Needless to say, I hope I get better very soon because...drumroll please... that aforementioned program has accepted me and I leave for Montana on May 26th, which is soon. I'm a little nervous, but not with apprehension, more with eagerness and willingness to change. Before I leave I have some business to tend to, people's birthdays, my last rave, packing, possible trip to SF, working out four days a week, reading A LOT more, discovering new poets... which brings me to my next topic. When I'm in Montana, I will be working on a collection of poetry,and eventually have it tattooed on my left arm... an entire sleeve of textual tattoos, which will no doubt be my last for the sake of my mother who unwillingly allows me to do all the body modification I want. After my six months are up, who knows what's next for me... traveling probably, but maybe I'll be back in California for a bit. It's really thrilling to know that at the end of this, I'll have thousands of options instead of three or four. That's where I'm at. If you love me and want to get in touch, now is the time. If you hate me, you're lucky because I'll have dropped off the face of the earth for a little bit.