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when i do something
i like to do it right
take for instance,
destroying my knee
i wanted to make sure that i gave it my all
my surgeon (one of the best in the nation)
said that out of the 15000 knees he's operated on
mine was one of the 200 worst he has ever seen
this guy has probably seen car wrecks
crowbar bashings
falls off 3 story buildings
pro sports players hit directly in the knee by human locomotives
matadors gored by bulls
yet mine takes the cake
what is even more impressive
is that i managed to do all that damage with
one
simple
dance
move
we are talking about a "miracle" of an injury
i jumped 4 inches in the air and merely landed "kind of funny" on my feet
some might say i am weak boned (like sam jackson in unbreakable)
au contraire
the fact is,
I have super human strength (like bruce willis in unbreakable)
i am so strong
that when my knee cap dislocated
instead of falling over and leaving it out like a regular sane human being with pain receptors
i ferociously kicked it back into place with such brute force that i managed to literally dismantle my entire knee
you name it i did it:
a solar system explosion under my courderoy
the MRI tech said he thought his machine was broken when he saw the results
i don't joke around on the dance floor
3 sugar screws
2 (2 inch) titanium screws
lots of incisions
a fair amount of drilling
tons of blood
and 6 hours of surgery later
i was told that in 2 months, after a follow up surgery, we would know if the procedure worked
sort of stressful
as the alternative plan involved "experimental" procedures
presumably at strange clinics in norway
call me old fashioned
but i try to avoid anything "experimental" when it comes to my body and knives
but yesterday
after the follow up surgery
i was rousted from my foggy post op slumber by the doctor
laying 2 giant titanium screws that were once in my knee
into my hand
proof that the surgery was a success
when i find the love of my life i am going to give her one of those 2 inch screws on a necklace
and i will keep the other
maybe i will mount it on an earring with a feather and wear it like george michael circa the "faith" album
but probably i wont
thank you all for your good vibes, warm wishes, and prayers
those meant the world to me
in four more weeks (possibly after one final "clean up" surgery)
i will be able to put some weight on it again
look for me on the dance floor
ill be the weird guy sitting in the chair dancing mostly with his arms
love,
matthew
***
(for the record... the internet video that fox searchlight released of the night i was injured doesn't have the real fall on tape. No one had footage of that moment so they used "creative" editing to make it look like they captured the injury. I assure you the real fall didn't look anything like the one they featured, it was far less impressive.)
6:11 AM
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