Nothing. It is the first thing that came into my mind when I asked myself about what my social contribution is. Well, at least that was what I thought about myself. It's because in the past few months, I have created a wall around my self to keep people, even my friends, away from me. I have undergone a phase of bitterness during the months of November to December last year because I have somewhat felt dismayed and have lost faith in group dynamics. All of which, I can say, were attributed to my previous frustrating experiences with groupings and such.

However, around the middle of January, I cut myself some slack and gave myself another chance to work in groups again and I couldn't be any happier since I have finally overcome that bitterness. I have now developed a stronger resistance to frustration and a more extended patience in adjusting and dealing with other people. But of course, the stigma is still there for being such a quasi-recluse for about two months and a half so I had a hard time recalling some good memories that I have done for and with the people in the community I am in. So then I gave myself some time to think and re-think once again since I have also created a biased judgment to myself. I spent a whole week to somehow level out this prejudicial outlook since I am well aware that it is just due to the bitterness that I have previously gone through.

I guess the time that I gave myself to reflect kind of worked. During the weekend, I was able to conjure up the good memories that I was desperately digging for in the recesses of my mind last week. So among the things that I have conjured from my mind, I have chosen one that I am definitely confident that could pass for a social contribution. That contribution would be being a Christian and I am so happy I am back on track again since have survived from that vicious spiritual drought and bitterness with of course the help of prayer and meditation.

I have come to an understanding that there is a lot more hypocrisy in this religious denomination than I could ever possibly thought there could be. Well now, calling one's self a Christian and going to church doesn't necessarily make one a Christian. It's a lifestyle, not just any other label around that one could claim without any supporting evidences. But of course, I am not saying that real Christians are perfect beings and would never commit mistakes. I am a Christian, a struggling one at that, and I am not anywhere near of what can be perceived as perfect and I always commit mistakes. But how dare I say that I am still a Christian despite all of these? It's because I am all well aware and sensitive to these subtle details in my life and I make myself accountable to God. I repent and try to avoid the same errors again, that's why.

Although I'm struggling, almost like knee-deep in mud, I still find it rewarding that at the end of the day, I was able to live out my life just as God commanded me to be. Now, as I have taken up the article "The Socius and The Neighbor," I was able to understand the dynamism between the two, distinction and all. In actuality though, as it is mentioned in the level of meditation, it's rather hard to tell them apart. Take this Christian life of mine for example. Being a Christian is of course being a member of a Christian church. A church is an institution and as a Christian, I became a socius. However, as a Christian too, my function is to be a "neighbor" to everyone so far as to even make myself available to my enemies. Thus, my neighborly actions have become institutionalized or the other way around. Actually though, being a socius and a neighbor in the Christian point of view is just so meshed together that making a distinction between them doesn't even matter to me anymore. Then again, I make sure that I am aware and sensitive to the nuances of these things.

But what does it matter, really? As long as I have done my part in fighting the evils in myself and the society in the Christian way, I guess that's what all really matters to me. It defines my personal convictions and creates meaning to my life. This is what I live for.

Although some people would not really understand how being kind to your enemy, feeding the poor, or turning the other cheek becomes rewarding, I know I am doing something good for the people in the society. I also have set an example for kids my age too or even older, particularly those who are in the same music scene that I am in. I am fronting a metal band but I write Christian lyrics. Just because the genre that we're into has a chaotic and violent nature, it doesn't mean that we should apply it to our selves. I share my faith to everyone through the music my band mates and I create. It's just not music; to me it's a ministry. Not in a way that I'm shoving my beliefs down their throats but making them rethink about their current malevolent actions to themselves and other people so they won't destroy themselves in the end.

By just walking the talk, I have actually managed to pull it off and some people that I know start to get curious about the commitment that I have with my Christian faith. They're actually starting to question themselves and the bandwagon they've jumped into. Now we're getting somewhere. For the most part all I can say is that I live my life as a Christian in spirit and in truth. This is my social contribution.