In this entry I wanna reflect on my life so far. There has been a whole heap of downs that are accompanied by moments that tell me that I am not alone. Because I am a proud person, I tend to wanna get through with things alone, for a sense of self-accomplishment, for something that only I can be proud of. I'm gonna now reflect on my PRIDE in EXILE terms. I love EXILE too much.

What's Pride in EXILE's minds?
FULL ENTRY:
http://exilelove.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/whats-pride-in-exiles-minds/more-265

HIRO - Living Energy
I was always feeling PRIDE. To me, taking aesthetics in consideration, for sure it gives the feeling of standing out, and that's PRIDE. Because I have PRIDE, it's hard to fight against it and do things with modesty. That means there are no uncertainties in me, only absoluteness.
Most of the time I don't talk and I only respond to praises with a faint 'thank you'. I guess I'm not as much as an 'absolute' person as I want to be. I do take pride in my general appearance with the way I dress to be somewhat different, even if it's just with the accessories. [You don't see me carry around a Country Road bag, do ya? ;D] Even though I appear to have a lot of pride, I find it hard to brag about the things I'm good at. I mean if someone discovers something extraordinary about me, it's most likely because they've stumbled upon me when I've drifted off into my own world...

MATSU - An Undefeated Heart
It's like I could even expose my weak sides while still having PRIDE.
Compared to MATSU, he would appear to have no pride at all. Because of my pride, I refuse to risk embarrassing myself by showing my weak side. I also don't want to appear weak in front of people, because that's not how I want to portray myself to the world. I don't wanna be seen as them clumsy klutz who need help every time they trip. I'm those people you see who spring up right away after a fall [anyone remember when I TRIPPED over the super-low hurdles during athletics carnival?] But yeah, if I do happen to show a weak side, I often act tough to cover it up. Is that wrong? I mean it's not like it's hurting anyone. It's just how I recover, that's all :]

USA - Not Lying To Myself
Having honesty in my heart is PRIDE. ...I listen to the voice of my heart, like "is this something I really feel like doing, or is it more like NO?", and only when I'm sure I move forward. ...All of that is now part of my own identity.
Those who know me know that I don't drink. I'm one of the only couple of people with no alc in my system at any party. I'm proud so I don't drink 8D. Nah... it's more like 'I've decided not to drink, so I won't drink at all' and the fact that I wont subject myself to peer pressure. I'm too proud to let myself fall under that. However there are times I can't distinguish between what I want, and what others want. It surprises me that I can be selfless at times... what a shocker. But yeah, all this makes up to who I am; my identity. I want to be someone that not only my family is proud of, but someone who I am happy being as well.

MAKIDAI - The Strength Of Believing In Myself
Both mental and physical are important, because you'll sometimes run against a wall. That's why I think if you don't always give your best, you won't be able to pass the obstacles.
Has anyone seen me act tough? Maybe. But usually during those times, I'm least likely to bluff, just in case I have to prove myself. Physically, I think I might be alright with that, enough to get through the day. Mentally, I'm pretty weak, despite the fact that my words can be harsh at times. The things I say, especially if they sting, is probably because someone has done something to hurt my pride. I'm that protective of myself. I know... selfish, but would you expose yourself to a situation where you know you will get hurt? No one in their right mind would unless they think it's worth it. Most of time time, automagically, I put myself first. Whatever would make me a happy person.

ATSUSHI - Not Talking About It
I don't have PRIDE, so I'm not the one to talk about PRIDE. I have a long way to go, because I think I still have to challenge many things without PRIDE or something else. ...As for that, you may coincidentally feel pride, but it becomes more like a gratitude feeling.
I could mistaken pride as something else, but right now, I can't think of any other word to describe it. Unlike ATSUSHI, I can't do anything without my pride pushing me, nagging me from the back of my head to go kick some ass and achieve something out of it. In some situations, I do think it is better when pride does not get in the way, especially in emotional situations. Things can go wrong when you say the wrong thing to protect yourself too much...

Accomplishing The Small Things ~The Strength of Believing~"
When first performing with EXILE, I was accepted by many thousands of people, so I wasn't feeling pressure or anxiety. That pressure I put on myself, it was my own PRIDE. ...Finishing the common things you've to do today, even if failing to achieve something for tomorrow, that has it's immediate value...
I don't think I've made my life harder by having immense pride in myself. My pride reminds me of the things I'm good at, and helps me get back up when I feel like a failure, or when I feel inferior in a certain area. The pressure, the expectations I put on myself to get better at the many aspects in my life, they are all driven by my pride. I have my failing streaks, and it's during those times even my pride fails me. But when I do get back on my feet again, my pride is the one thing that pops back to me first, the rest such as motivation and dedication comes later.

<3 <3 <3 TAKAHIRO - Family
Having become an EXILE member, being able to sing to the world, having now the respect of many people, and also experiencing the solid love of my family, all of these I carry as my PRIDE. Overestimating myself is useless and it's just a stupid kind of PRIDE I don't want to have. However, if there's no PRIDE, you can't improve; it's because I had PRIDE that I could work on myself stoically, and continue to work with great effort. And also that was my dream. There are many things I want to make happen and I want to try, so the little effort I put in everyday will eventually pile up and give fruits.
I've kept TAKAHIRO's full entry because I feel that his opinion on pride closely matches with mine. Sometimes I think I overestimate myself, but it's just me setting high expectations, and imagining how I can overcome it, sort of like how a heroic figure would. I may not appear it, but I am actually insecure and indecisive. The only difference between TAKAHIRO and my opinion on pride is that he realizes that every 'little effort I put in everday' counts; I have yet to realize that. I like to rush things until they are done. If it takes a while to get done, unless I have enough motivation and dedication I would not attempt it. Being respected by people ensures that I have used my pride the way I should have, instead of using it to boast. [Because when I get pwned when I boast, it's embarassing. Still, humiliation is a virtue... well, it better be.]

Family... well they're there during the times my pride bursts out, or when I've lost it, they'll always be there to support me. Even if I never tell them my problems, for some reason they always come around to helping me without ever intending to. I guess that's what you call a family. I've got a lot to learn about how to rely on my family. I guess this is also where my pride gets in the way: I want to do everything I possibly can on my own, without anybody's help. I've gotta remember that my family is there for me to come back to.

*

Well that's that. Getting tired now. Again got no homework done. I gotta get my act together...Thanks for reading, people :] Please excuse any fobbiness. I believe my Engrish has gone downhill...

*catherine