A Leukemia Vision: Who is God?
Dec 21, 2004 is when a doctor told me, "You have Leukemia and it is hitting you like a thunderstorm." I did have a moment of grief, but quickly got over it. What stuck out was this doctor using the word "thunderstorm."
It was part of my Native beliefs and an understanding of my relationship with that particular energy in nature. I lived with them from close interactions through many occurrences I have had with them over the years. I did not have a name for them before I became aware of my Native background. In Native ways, they are the Thunder beings. From the moment of my diagnosis, they were there.
The Leukemia was apparently in its last stages and I thought it was a cold. It was the large lumps appearing very quickly on my body that made me think a little more about it. I did feel a weakness, but this did not alarm my mellow nature. I was told it was the cancerous white cells filling up my lymph nodes. I was apparently at the saturation point with the cancerous white cells overcoming this fragile body.
I was rushed to the hospital, and others were concerned about something. I could not see what the big deal was. I was very calm with what was about to occur. I had gotten my spiritual message of it being my next lesson of whom I was. There was nothing to fear, as it was my leap of faith in self. This was going to be my new medicine to gain in life, as the Native belief would say.
This was a continuation of prior visions I had in previous years up to the recent weeks. I knew I was to experience something extreme, and I had gratefully accepted it. It was to be. With ease, I had opened up my spirit self to see my other places in life and to view what I was going through in other ways.
The intense barrage of chemotherapies was bombarding my body and the transition had begun. If there was an opening in my body, I had a tube in it and new holes were made for more tubes. Because of the chemotherapy, I was going to lose my hair, so I planned on having it cut. I had called my wife and daughters in and we did a ceremony to cut off my long black hair that flowingly traveled down my back. It was braided and covered with prayer ties of various colors as it was being separated. Other colors were added for personal intent.
Prayer ties are a symbol of belief among the Native people. Pinches of tobacco wrapped in small pieces of colored cloth relating to the directions of life. The belief in directions among Native tribes does vary. So, there really is no one way in learning the varied traditions, unless one lived with a tribe of the old red ways. Each traditional way has its purpose. From the first day that I was admitted to the hospital, my other worlds were opening up. Their realities were becoming close to this one.
I was living in many places and my visions were continuing where they had left off through the past years. I would go to the treadmills on the floor for light exercise, dragging my tubes attached to bags of various compositions on a pole with wheels. I would go from one treadmill to the other, but they would quit working. I had attempted to get on the computer in the hospitality room, but it just stopped. I knew I was opening up and these things would happen.
I received a message of thought from a grandmother across the hall that was passing away from her cancer. She was off life support two days now, and it was a worry for the family. When the message was passed to the family, she had left that night.
When the toilet in my room started over flowing I was becoming flustered because I was seeing the little microorganism moving in the water as it flowed across the floor. I was rushed to another room because my body had no immune system at this point. I was becoming a vegetable.
There were many varied-realm occurrences combining with this one and I was slowly moving to the other ones and losing this reality. As I had begun my descent, I was the size of my cells and moving with the chemicals that were there to attack the white cells. Watching as they dissolved the white cells.
I would go to the remains of the white cells and pull out active white cells that got covered before getting dissolved, and threw them in the chemical presence where they would also disintegrate. This went on for some time, but I cannot relate to time as this reality knows it. I would then move to places I had been before.
It is a place I had a vision of in the past and referred to as, "the river of souls." I could see dark reddish human forms as I moved among them in close proximity. This is a place where some are in their confused, disillusioned, or an unknowing state of existence, and where others come to guide them to their awareness. In previous years, I had been taught to move among them and open their passage of light when they were ready to experience the higher self. It was not my choice over them; it was a choice they had to make in seeing past the things they had done to themselves.
Within a week this reality was about gone and my other places were wholly alive as my realities in life. I began to travel places past my areas of darkness where various windows or portals would appear in the walls of dark caves. They seemed to be at a different speed as their landscapes were different and moving very briskly. The day to night scenes were extremely fast. I would move through one of them, and would be in other places.
I still seemed to be out of phase as the scenery moved speedily in motion as I stood in it. I stood in one particular event where trees surrounded a field and everything moved jerkingly quick, including the high speed day and night skies.
A very intense white, bluish orb descended down in front of me. I had a sense of what it was presenting itself to be. I could see a partial image of an upper torso. As it became stationary, I asked it, "Are you some kind Christ head or Buddha head"? (Speaking from a general point of view.) "Because I got questions."
I asked, "why?-- I am familiar of what your beliefs are supposed to be, but I do not understand why humans use your images to cause wars, hate, and destructions among each other for believing in something different. There has to be a place where we are beyond the religions that want to control people in doing these things to each other. There has to be something more than this human pettiness. It seems, there has to be something more in who we are. I can't accept this way of life where we tear each other apart, there has to be something more." As I asked these questions and pleads the image in the orb disappeared and began pulsing even more intensely with intent.
The landscapes and skies were now in slower motion. I seemed to be in sync with them. Suddenly, everything turned to a green hue! I could see green in everything, even the skies. I could see things growing around me, there were flowers of all types growing, trees were growing. The bright orb and I were being covered with growth. The bright orb began ascending and I also began ascending above the landscape.
At that moment I had gotten up one last time from my hospital bed to use the restroom, and my vision was only partially there, but still very clear. To move to the restroom, I had to walk through other landscapes, it was amazing. As I lay back down, I got to view my presence in the dark place. But it was different this time. The first thing I noticed as I moved among the other dark entities, was this bright white, bluish light that reflected off their bodies and shapes. The other thing I noticed was the space around me. There was a perimeter of empty space between me and the other dark forms. I was no longer in close proximity as I was before.
As I moved, I was enthralled with the brightness that moved as I moved. Light into darkness, into light, a coinciding motion with my movement. It was I, casting this intense light. There were a few of the dark entities that came up to me and as I reached out to them with an extension of light. Their darkness shifted to intense light and they dissipated and moved upward. This activity was a sense of thought--not physical movement. I was very curious of this, as this was also something new to me. I did this randomly because I felt I wanted to know more of what was occurring before I got into a light-zapping craze.
I was at this for some time and eventually moved back into the black caves where I began jumping back and forth through the varied dimensions. Each one was different in locations, landscapes, planets, and race of beings. Some of which I would live lifetimes. It got to a point where I did not need the caves for access as the very thought was the entry point. Many times as I moved through a race of beings, most did not know my presence. But, there were a few that noticed and their attention moved with my motion as I passed among them.
My sense was telling me they were the seers among their race of beings. By thought, I traveled back to this material realm, but it was different. Everything had energy around it. From what I knew of particular areas, I would move energies over landmasses to ease the tensions and other adverse behaviors that I knew were occurring in particular areas. As I thought of those I knew, I would briskly moved through them, but it seemed I could not be stationary. I was moving too quickly. My energy was at another level where there was no one place to be as I was experiencing everywhere within a moment. This made me think about the past years when we get that brief feeling of someone we know who is there. I got to experience what this was about from another existence. The moments were very brief, as it seemed the time differential was very different.
I finally got to where I was darted to a vast space where I was surrounded with a sense of infinite forms of energy. The vastness of energies felt part of one whole space of life and each entity had vast life experiences. The familiar way of thought was very different. It was unlike our linear way of thought, but a way that was infinitely expediential in senses. It was expansive.
Then a sense said, "I was where we exist in our purist forms as one. We existed in various levels of awareness in evolvement of our creations." I was given indicators and more ways to get familiar with senses I had not previously been aware of, but more so forgotten. This existence was our way of oneness as creators of life. I was getting senses of what it was going to be like for me hereon because I was told I had to return to human life. That is when I distinctly remember saying, "aw shucks." It was like moving through vast universes. Things I did not remember experiencing before now, but it felt like home. When moving near another energy form, I could sense the life cycles it had experienced, or was about to create and experience.
After living many more lifetimes in other places among this place of oneness, I slowly regained consciousness two weeks later in my hospital bed. I was back in Missouri. Six months later, I was done with the chemotherapy at the hospital and things were different with each day I'd wake after a night of dreams on where I was.
I was shown, lived, and described many things and one of the things stressed was, "don't interfere with the belief systems of others as it is their path for a reason. When it is time, things will be." This is an area that has many times been obvious on why this is so. Those who believe in other gods and things, do so, as I am not converting you to anything you do not believe. That is not my purpose.
I am only speaking of my experiences and to those who can understand the leap of faith in discovering their higher self through their own choice. This is a natural process and the aware self will know when it is their time. I am not looking for followers, as I myself am not one. An acknowledgement of self in creation of all life is a very simple task when we choose to do so. It goes beyond humanness; it goes beyond religions, it is basically taking responsibility for our own actions, life, and choosing awareness without boundaries; naturally.
No other God to blame, but ourselves, if we must. Growth is seeing beyond this to show us more of who we are. The human experience is a part of who we are among many life experiences. We could create another human life form to live again for the experience of individuality with mankind, or create universes among countless dimensions/realms of life. I am living and still learning from my experiences. I do not claim to be perfect. This is where my mind travels with the possibilities of creation. Now that I have experienced this sense of oneness through my moment of passing, I am drawn to the return of what felt like home. One of my current struggles is, "moving in this linear realm one day at a time."
Joe Palace
© copyright 2006
12-10-2006
I do intend on writing more to expand on the brief experiences described, and life during and since then. Again, this is only my experience.