Why Are You Even Riding The Trains?  You're Better Than That Hoop, You're Better Than That.
 

a couple bullet points you forgot and may want to touch on:
-the small invonvience on them booking you on the wrong day
-the constant "traffic"
-the lovely scenery
-people using shopping carts to take their luggage from baggage claim (which was in fact a hallway) to their horse and buggy
-the cobblestone street outside the station cerca 17 0'failure (side note: cobblestone and loose bowels really don't work well together)
-your wretched stink of poor
Not to mention that trains are transportation's equivalent to the carrier pigeon... slow, unreliable, and extended exposure to either and you may die of bird flu.
I hope your cough gets worse.
-davis

 

Yeah, yeah but the upshot is:  Part of the train's decor is expectorated phlegm.  In case of emergency this can be quickly palmed up and used as lubricant for masturbating yourself to your happy place.  Safer than some of the skanks you're bangin'.

You are silver lining blind.

Kerry 

 

 

I think this issue is less about the problems with public transportation and more about your constant need to fail. You're pissed because you were forced to spend someone else's money on a 12 hour trip that can be made in 6 hours for half the money. The problem is you're not capable of making the trip in 6 hours. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and we'll assume you may have been able to con a ride out of a Giggle's open mic'r by handing him a broken promise to let him see the green room at a club he'll never work. Once you got the ride to show up at your place, the real problem starts. He shows up at noon to pick you up (when you promised the people waiting on you that you'd leave by 8). If he decides to wait the 6 hours outside your aparment while you wake up (2 hours down), piss in a beer can (matt's out of town so I'm assuming your water got shut off b/c you were in charge of paying the bill), scrub semen off your borrowed laptop (3 hours down), smoke a whole pack (because he informed you no one is allowed to smoke in his mom's chevette), and beat off because he's screaming at you to come on... now he has to put up with you for 6 fucking hours. I'm guessing the third time you burn a hole in his mom's seat (probably about 26 min outside of Charlotte) he'll pull over and attempt to leave you on the side of 85. You'll kick a dent in the hood and explain you can't pay to get it fixed if you don't get to the gig. He'll reluctantly put you back in the car, this time in the back seat where it only takes him 20 min. to realize you're much more annoying when you're leaning your head on his shoulder from between the seats while your left arm creeps around the seat to cup his nuts. Again, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that the next time decides to toss you will be in Atlanta, still several hours from your destination. By now you've called him a failure, called his mother a cunt, and explained in detail how you plan to rape his 4 year old daughter "just as soon as she looses those dick scratching baby teeth." As he pulls away from the urban gas station with you tossing empty red bull cans at his car, he justifies the trip by convincing himself that before one of the three people who still care enough about you (two of them just want their money) can get there to pick you up, you'll have commited suicide by yellling a racist ATL reference at a group of kids who stepped out of autoshop to steal a car for the class project. If you're able to get someone on the phone and convince them to drive you the rest of the way, you'll tell them that you're waiting for them at the wrong gas station and some how manage to make it sound like next week is when they're supposed to come get you.

This was the myspace equivilent of blowing smoke in your face.
 

Lunestas and Red Wine, make everything feel fine.



xoxo
 

What about all the good things trains do?  Like derail, thereby seriously injuring the employees and passengers?

 

It's a catch-22 my friend.

 

(there's a lot of funny in this blog)

 

 

Amtrak's motto should be "On Amtrak, disappointment is complimentary..."

-V

 

i hate trains ~ never been on one before but when i was 5 they'd wake me up in the middle of the night and i'd go to school the next morning only to sneak into the teachers lounge because i was tiredas fuck and needed a pick-me-up. Coffee is so great for everyone ~ plus i didn't feel like being expelled most days, i just wanted that bitter-sweet columbian classic roasted coffee. now look at me, i type a mile a second. woopty-fuckin-do! RAWR - Ooh-raw. we should all sign a petition against trains, planes but not automobiles ~ unless you are a tree-fucking hippy, what do ya say, man? are you in?
 

You know what is wrong with that train? It's in the South. Simple fact - trains don't belong in the South. Put a thing where it doesn't belong, expect a fuck-up. It would be easier to sell Policemen's Ball tickets in the ghetto than find a functioning passenger train in the South. Passenger trains work in the West when they're going up scenic rides around the Rockies or they work in the North when crowds of people need to move from Washington to New York. Car traffic doesn't work in these cases so trains fill the bill.